Hey guys,

Well, as some of you might know, a while ago I posted my story. I got pretty far into it, but then stopped.
Sorry bout that :S
Umm I kinda wanna get ur opinions, so I'm going to post it again, from the beginning. Please read through it, I've edited it.

Thanks.


Prologue
The huge vortex of grief was sucking me in, holding me there; no matter how hard I tried to break free. I couldn’t. Even if I did, what was there to live for? Who was there to live for? I knew there was nothing. No one. So why not just give up now? Why not add to the enormous cloud of grief that was pressing down on everyone I knew? But even after all he had done to me; I almost couldn’t bear to hurt him anymore. I knew he loved me, but was it enough? Why not let the grief have me, take over me? It already had; it seemed too late.

CHAPTER 1
“Bec, it’s time to get up, sweetie!” I vaguely heard my mum call out from the kitchen. I didn’t move. I was too tired. I didn’t want to go to school. I was enjoying the holidays too much. More than that, I was not looking forward to Year 10.
Mum came into my room, and gently shook me until I opened my eyes.
“Come on, sweetie, you’re going to be late for your first day of school!” I groaned, and turned around so I wasn’t facing her. She sighed, and said to me as she was walking out,
“You know, some day you’ll have to learn responsibility.”
She was right. Unfortunately. So I got out of bed, and pulled on my school uniform. Eww. I walked down to the kitchen, and got myself some breakfast. I thought about what I would face during the day; new classes, new teachers… and Jason. Ever since I walked into the school gates in year 7, I knew that I wanted to be with him, except he never noticed me. And I didn’t have it in me to do something that will make me stand out. I knew in my heart that if he knew me well enough, then maybe, just maybe, he would want to be with me, too. But that hadn’t happened… yet.
As I walked out the front door and started walking to school, I vowed to myself that this will be the year. This will be the year that Jason notices me. This will be the year that I will kiss Jason. This will be the year that Jason becomes my ever-faithful boyfriend. Yes. That was my goal for this year; to fulfil my 4-year dream.
As soon as that thought left my mind, I was at school. Another thought entered my mind; Jason wasn’t in my house. I was in orange, and he was in blue. That was annoying. Another obstacle to overcome. But hopefully he would be in some of my classes.
When the bell rung as a signal for the beginning of year assembly, Gen and I made our way down to the Quad. The Quad was quickly filling with students and teachers. The students sat on the ground and the teachers stood awkwardly around the edges. I could tell that they didn’t want to be here, just as much as we did.
When assembly was finally over, I made my way to tutor group. My tutor this year was Mr. Lombardi, and he was Italian. And, unfortunately for me, he was really hot. And he was young, probably in his early twenties. It was so awkward, because pretty much all the girls in our tutor group had a crush on him, even the ones who had boyfriends. I could tell that the guys were jealous of him, too. I could already tell how awkward it was going to be this year. Georgia thought that I was really lucky, though. She had Miss Zammer as her tutor. Miss Zammer was disgusting. And really mean. But I didn’t think that I was lucky. It’s pretty hard to keep focused on Jason when I had to see Mr. Lombardi every day. It was torture, I swear to God. Having to see him everyday would make my goal for this year very hard to achieve. Oh God. Especially When Mr. Lombardi walks into the room with a buttoned shirt on… with the top 2 buttons undone. Also with the sleeves rolled up. The pale blue was so contrasting on his tanned skin.
I quickly shook my head to get rid of those thoughts. Jason. I reminded myself. Jason, Jason, Jason. I thought of Jason for a while, until I was smiling at the thought of him. Everything was perfect for that micro second, until Mr. Lombardi came and sat next to me on the desk.
“So how were your holidays?” He asked casually.
“Umm, okay.” I tried to keep my voice steady, being careful not to look at him. I wanted to keep the conversation short, but I could tell that I was being rude. “How were yours?” I continued. I looked at him unwillingly. He smiled to see that I was responding.
“Mine were great. I went back to Italy to see my family.” His accent was mainly Australian, but it had a little bit of Italian in it.
“That’s good.” That was enough conversation for me. He seemed to pick up my vibe, so he smiled and walked off to talk to someone else. I took a deep breath, and tried to remind myself that he was a teacher. Zoe came and sat next to me, chuckling. I joined in the laughter.
“You alright there?” She asked.
“Yeh.” I smiled. She looked over to him, but his back was facing us.
“He’s pretty hot, ay.” She said admiringly. I let out a little unnerved laugh.
“Just a bit.”
“Gee, I wish he’d talk to me.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Hahaha. Yeh, well, he comes pretty close to Robert Pattinson, but I’ve gotta say that Rob is way hotter. And I’m still marrying him when I turn 18. Not even Lombardi here can stop me.” I laughed at that. Maybe a little loud. Mr. Lombardi looked at us.
“Everything ok over there?” He asked from across the room. Zoe nodded. I was still on the verge of laughter. Mr. Lombardi turned back around to talk to the cute-faced Ben, who was in year 10, just like us.
“He’s pretty cute.” I said to Zoe, almost suggestively. Zoe followed my gaze to Ben, where she nodded.
“Yeh, he’s ok.” I looked at her with my eyebrows raised, and a smug smile on my face. I knew this look. She thought he was gorgeous. She had ever since he came here last year. She was still looking at him. When she looked at me, she started blushing. I giggled at her embarrassment.
“Oh shut up.”


CHAPTER 2
Jason’s eyes were a gorgeous pale blue; the perfect colour to match his tanned face. His cheekbones were set high in his face, so that his long lashes brushed his cheeks when he looked down. His lips were full, and his teeth were perfect, combining together to make the best smile. He had adorable deep dimples on either side of his mouth. The dimples almost gave him a baby-like look, which really didn’t match his toned, muscular, and perfectly tanned body. Nevertheless, he was still the hottest guy in year 10 at Bayview High.
“Hello! Earth to Bec!” I vaguely heard in the distance. I recognized the voice; it was Mel. It didn’t register that the voices were calling out to me until someone blocked my eyesight with their hand. I shook my head to free my mind of the unrealistic yet perfect fantasies that were rolling in my mind. I looked back to my friends, who were in hysterics.
“What? Did I miss something?” I asked; confused.
“What were you doing?” Liv asked, still laughing.
“Just staring into space.” I answered dreamily; my face reddening.
“More like staring into Jason!!” Georgia commented, and there was another burst of giggles throughout the group. My face was burning now. I let out a small giggle, and then stared down at my lap. All of my friends knew about my massive crush on Jason. Unfortunately, so did everyone else. That is, everyone except Jason. He didn’t even know that I existed.
The bell suddenly rang to signify the end of recess, breaking my chain of thought. I was gathering my stuff off the ground when I glanced over at Jason, who hadn’t moved yet. He turned his head in my direction and smiled. My heart skipped a beat. Was that smile aimed at me?
Then Jason’s best friend Aden casually walked past me and started talking to him. How could I be so stupid? Of course he wouldn’t know who I was!! I stood up abruptly and made my way to drama; angry at myself.
I arrived in the Drama Hall to find out that Jason was in my class. Not only that, but so was Chloe, the *beep*-skank that has been picking on me since year 7. I was hoping that since it was a new year, maybe Chloe would consider leaving me alone.
“Hey loser,” she said as she walked past. Yeh, right. Like that would ever happen. I took my shoes off and joined the large, lopsided circle that was forming on the floor. I sat next to Bella, another girl in my group.
My group consists of 9 girls, including myself. Bella is an environmental warrior, and one of the nicest people that you could ever meet. Gen is one of my best friends in the whole world, and she has the best laugh ever. Georgia is hilarious. She always knows the right thing to say to make you laugh. Liv and Lilly are both kind-hearted, and really smart. Mel is so much fun to be around, and really caring. Ava is also heaps of fun to be around, and she’s really nice. Zoe loves to dance, and is kind of quiet.
Miss Carter, our new drama teacher, cleared her throat, and spoke in a loud voice so that everyone could hear her.
“Alright!! Shh!! Welcome to Year 10 drama everyone. Now, I’m sure that you all know each other well enough, so we’ll get straight to work.” There were a few groans around the room, but she ignored them.
“For your first exercise, you will be focusing on leaving your body. You know, becoming something different. I will be allocating you animals on which your personality is based, from what I have observed of you over the past years. I want you all to forget about you. Become the animal. Be the animal.” Miss Carter chanted passionately.
I tuned out, and glanced around the room at the bored and impatient faces that belonged to my classmates. They were as tuned out as I was. I finally reached Jason. His deep brown hair was thick and a little bit long. It wasn’t perfectly combed or straight, but it definitely wasn’t curly. He had a couple of locks of hair that fell over his forehead. Jason was looking down at his lap. He raised his head slowly, and looked right at me. He probably thought that I was retarded, staring right at him. I should’ve looked away, but this moment was too special. I couldn’t bring myself to ruin it. It seemed that he couldn’t either. His facial expression changed from confused to a look that said: ‘Gee, you’re pathetic.’ I already knew that I was. Hopeless and pathetic. Then he looked away. He looked away.
“And you will perform this in groups of four people, and those groups will be allocated by me.” More groans. Miss Carter organized us into groups. I was with Bella, Chloe, and this cute new guy Tristan. He had black hair that was a little curly, and big brown puppy eyes. Not nearly as hot as Jason, though.
Miss Carter came up to us, and started talking in her passionate, 60’s type voice.
“Isabella, you are a dolphin. Rebecca, you are a dog. Tristan, you are a mouse. And last but not least, Chloe. You are a ... cow.” I started cracking up, and so did Bella. Miss Carter walked off, and Chloe wouldn’t stop glaring at us. I turned to Bella and whispered in her ear: “Gee, Miss Carter sure knows how to pick the right roles.” Bella started laughing, and I joined in.
“First of all,” Miss Carter explained, “You will tell us what your animal likes to do. For example, if you were a fish, you would say: ‘I like to swim around in the open water.’ Now, you give it a try. No. Do more than that. Put your body and soul into it.”
“Oh my god. She has really stooped to a new low. She is officially retarded.” I whispered to Bella. She nodded in agreement. No one did anything. Bella sighed, then started.
“I like to swim and jump in and out of the water all day.” She said in a dull voice.
“I like to sleep, play, and pester my owner for food.” I continued.
“I like to… hide?” Tristan said, and I tried to hide my smile.
“I like to graze the fields all day.” Chloe continued.
“And squash flies with your tail.” I put in, laughing.
“Flies as in you?” Chloe retaliated.
“At least I’m not this big, fat ugly thing that does nothing all day.”
“Are you sure about that? I see a resemblance.”
“*beep*.” I mumbled.
“Excuse me?” She said, shocked.
“You heard me.” Chloe didn’t say anything. I looked down at my lap. I looked up from my lap to Tristan, who was staring at me. I stared back at him curiously. I took in more of his features; his high cheekbones, square-ish jaw, and his ears that stuck out a bit. After a long moment, I began to wonder; why was he staring at me? He didn’t look away. He was just staring. I looked away. That was strange. About 10 seconds later, I looked back at him, and he looked really disappointed. Why?
“Ok. Now, you will be making the noises that your animals make.” Miss Carter continued.
“This is so stupid.” I said, and everyone agreed.
“Squeak?” Tristan said unenthusiastically.
“Moo.” Chloe continued. I laughed.
“Like you could do any better.” Chloe said, sulking.
“Like I’d want to try. I like to use my energy on more important things.” I retaliated.
“Like what? Getting Jason to actually notice you?”
“Where did that come from?”
“Oh please! You couldn’t be anymore obvious. You don’t have any chance with Jason what so ever.”
“No more than you, anyway.” I mumbled.
“Ha! I have way more chance with Jason than you do. He actually knows who I am.” Chloe replied proudly.
“Right. Well, he’s known you for what… three? Four years? And has he made a move yet? No. If he wanted to ask you out on a date, he would have done it by now.”
“And if he wanted to get to know you, he would have done something about it by now.”
I didn’t reply to that. Was she right? No, she was just trying to get into my head. Maybe she was just pointing out the facts. It was true; Jason had never said anything to me. What if he hated me? Why me? Bella could see by my panicked expression that I had no comeback.
“Why are you always such a *beep* to Bec? Do you really have nothing better to do? Like… say… get a boyfriend? Or maybe you can’t even do that!” Bella accused. I mouthed a quick ‘Thanks’ to her, and she winked in acknowledgment.
“I can get a boyfriend. I just… don’t want one.”
“Yeh, right. Everyone knows that you like Jason just as much as Bec does.”
“Who’s this Jason guy?” Tristan asked, confused. I pointed at Jason.
“Oh. Right.” Tristan said, then looked down at his lap.
“As if you don’t want a boyfriend.” Bella continued.” The fact is that no one wants to be your boyfriend. Face it. No one wants you.”
“J… Jason wants me.” Chloe stuttered over her words.
“Yeh, ok.”
“He does! I bet that I could have him any time I want.”
“Well I bet that Bec can get Jason to kiss her before you.”
“Bella!! What are you doing?” I whispered, panicking. Bella ignored me.
“Oh yeh? Fine then. It’s on.” Chloe said, smirking.
“Good. If Bec kisses Jason first, you never bother any of us ever again.”
“If I kiss Jason first, then it’s going to get a whole lot worse.”
“Fine.” Bella said.
“Fine.” Chloe repeated smugly. Bella must have seen the panicked expression on my face, because she tried to reassure me in a whisper.
“Don’t worry. We can do this.”
“We?” I managed to choke out.
“Yeh. All of us will help you. Don’t worry. It’ll be fine!”

At lunchtime, Chloe was already making her move. She was all over Jason.
“Eww. Get me a bucket.” Mel said. Jason wasn’t responding to her. Chloe was sitting right next to him; and her flirting was way over-the-top.
We decided to sit quiet close to that group so that we could hear what was going on.
“Hey, Jason.” Chloe said in a flirty, high-pitched voice.
“Hi, Chloe.”
“So what are you up to?”
“Uh… I’m eating my lunch?” A few other guys snickered.
“No, I meant… what are you up to on… Friday?”
“She’s asking him out already?” Lilly asked, shocked.
“Why?” Jason asked Chloe.
“Well, did you hear about the dance?”
“Yeh…”
“So are you going?”
“I wasn’t planning on it, no. Why?” Chloe put her arm around Jason’s shoulders.
“I think you should come. Maybe you’d be lucky enough to dance with me.” As she said that, she moved even closer to him. I didn’t think that was even possible. Jason tried not to laugh.
“Umm… I don’t think so, Chloe.”
“Well why not?” Chloe was taken aback.
“I… uh… guess I could make it.” Jason replied, leaning away from her a little. Chloe’s voice turned flirtatious again.
“Good. I’m looking forward to it.” Then she winked at him. Jason looked so scared that I thought he was going to run away. Chloe looked satisfied. She didn’t move away from him, but she kept looking at me with a smug expression on her face.
“Great. She’s already won.” I complained.
“No, she hasn’t” Ava reassured me. “Jason will never kiss her.”
“Yeh. As if Jason would want to kiss Chloe. I could get him to dance with you. It worked last time.” Bella said. Oh God, here they go again.
“Yeh,” Mel said, laughing. They all started laughing, remembering the one time that I kissed someone at one of these dances. Then they started talking about something completely different. I looked over at Jason and Chloe. Jason kept trying to wriggle out from under Chloe’s grip, but she wouldn’t let him go. He sighed, then took her arm off his shoulders, and moved over so that there was a noticeable gap between them.
That made me happy. Jason didn’t want Chloe. I smiled a little bit.
“Bec?” Georgia said.
“Yeh?”
“I was just saying that you have four days to flirt with Jason. Then you have to stop him from dancing with Chloe on Friday…” They kept talking, and I nodded occasionally to make it look like I was listening. I glanced over to where Jason was sitting, but he had left his spot. I scanned the quad until I found him. He was talking to Tristan. Jason looked confused, then Tristan pointed to Chloe. What was he doing? Then he pointed at me. Oh no.
That night, I couldn’t sleep. Jason probably hated me, even though he’d never met me. And that was that.


CHAPTER 3
It was Tuesday. And it was boiling hot, a scorching 41°C. It was so hot that me and my friends decided to go to the local pool after school to cool down. And so did half of year nine, including Jason and Chloe.
I got changed into my bikini in the change room, then walked out to the pool area. I put my stuff down on a bench, then sat on the edge of the pool; dangling my feet in the water.
Oh. My. God. Jason was walking towards the diving blocks, with nothing but board shorts on. His abs were perfect. Not too defined, but they were still outlined inconspicuously. The rest of his body was perfectly tanned, just like his face.
Not taking my eyes off him, I started to walk around the edge of the pool with Mel. She was talking, but I wasn’t listening to her. I was completely oblivious to the fact that she had stopped talking until she stepped in front of me, eyebrows raised, and with a smirk on her face.
“You’re pathetic, you know that?” She said condescendingly.
“Uh… yes?” I answered, not knowing what to say. Mel cracked up. I laughed a bit too, and looked down at my feet, blushing.
“Come on.” Then I walked with her towards the end of the pool. I looked over at Jason again, who was laughing with his friends.
Mel and I were talking about our favourite shops, when we heard wolf whistles. We looked up to see who was whistling and who they were whistling at. It was a couple of Jason’s friends, and they were pointing at either Mel or me; I couldn’t tell.
“Dude, they’re totally perving on us.” Mel whispered to me. I blushed. I looked at Mel. Then I wondered… what was Jason doing? Surely he wasn’t whistling. He couldn’t be. I looked over to him. He was talking to Aiden. He wasn’t even facing my direction. Great.
I walked over to my friends, who were talking. Georgia had her scheming face on. She grinned when she saw my expression.
“Okay. I’ve got a plan.” She explained excitedly.
“Of course you do.” I replied with a sigh.
“Wanna hear it?”
“If I must.”
“Ok. You are finally going to get Jason’s attention. Now, what you’re going to do is get up on the diving block that is right in front of him, and dive into the water. Easy enough, yeh?”
“No! No way am I doing that!”
“Why? Look you’ve only got another 3 days to get Jason to notice you, so you have to do something. Now’s the perfect chance.”
I groaned.
“Do I have to?”
“Yes. Definitely. Now go.” She replied, smiling. I groaned again. Then I turned around, took a deep breath, and started to walk towards the diving blocks. I was pretty much hyperventilating by the time I got there. I followed Georgia’s plan. I walked up to the diving block in front of Jason, and got on it, ready to dive in. There were a couple of ‘dude’s and whistles behind me as I gracefully dived in.
When I resurfaced, I looked over at Jason. He was standing there, staring at me with wide eyes. Without even thinking, I winked at him with I smile. I couldn’t believe it. I actually winked at him. What was I thinking?
And yet, he smiled back. Jason smiled at me. I went back underwater and swam to the edge of the pool before I made a fool of myself.
I got out of the water and made my way back to my friends. All of them had their jaws hanging open, except Georgia, who was grinning. Typical Georgia. My face was burning.
“Oh. My. God! Bec! I didn’t know you had it in you!! I’m so proud.” Amy exclaimed in a mother-who’s-daughter-has-just-won-an-award kind of way. I couldn’t help but smile. I went and sat down next to Gen.
“That was so cute!” Gen said, smiling.
“Yeh.” Ava put in.
“I can’t believe you actually winked at him!” Lilly said. I laughed.
“It was so not me. I think I was possessed.” I admitted.
“Nope. That was you alright.” Bella said. I wasn’t sure whether it was a compliment or not.
“Yeh. Jason’s totally into you.” Mel put in.
“Speaking of Jason…” Zoe said, pointing behind me. I turned around. Jason was walking towards me, smiling.
“Oh no. What do I say? What do I do?” I panicked. Gen smiled her always-convincing smile.
“Just be yourself. It’ll be fine.” She said encouragingly, then she pushed me towards him.
I smiled back at Jason, and started to slowly walk towards him, when I heard fast, heavy footsteps behind me. I started to turn around when…
I was pushed. Hard. I let out a small scream before I fell into the pool. I felt something bash my head. I tried to move; to push myself up to the surface so that I could breathe. I couldn’t move. All I could hear was my heartbeat in my ears. All I could do was watch as the darkness surrounded me, as I slowly sunk to the bottom of the pool…

Chloe ran up to Bec and pushed her in the water. Bec screamed as she fell in, but she didn’t come back up. Jason’s expression became more and more worried by the second. After about 5 seconds, he jumped into the water. He pulled Bec to the surface, and yelled for help.
Jason watched on as a lifeguard tried resuscitate her. Bec’s friends were watching, trying to hold back tears. Except for Gen. She was crying uncontrollably. Bella had her arm around Gen, trying to comfort her by telling her that Bec would be ok.
The lifeguard moved back, and told Jason that she was breathing again. Jason knelt down next to Bec, while she lay there. The only indication that she was alive was the rise and fall of her chest.

The throbbing pain in my head woke me up. I put my hand to my head, and then opened my eyes. Jason was kneeling next to me.
“Hey. How are you?” He asked softly.
“W…what happened?” I replied.
“You… fell in the pool. You hit you head pretty hard on the step.” He reminded me. Memories came flooding back. I sat up.
“No! I didn’t fall!” I shouted. “I w… was pushed!! Wh… who pushed me?” I demanded. Jason looked behind him.
“I’ll give you one guess.” He muttered angrily. Chloe stepped through the crowd of people that were surrounding me, and she had a guilty expression on her face.
“Bec… I… I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you! I swear. It was just meant to be a bit of… fun,” said Chloe. I could tell how sorry she really was. Jason couldn’t. He exploded.
“FUN?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, FUN!!! BEC COULD HAVE DIED!! IF I HADN’T JUMPED IN AND DRAG-“
“Wait… what?” I asked quietly.
“N… nothing.”
“You… saved me?” I asked, surprised.
“W… well, I wouldn’t say ‘saved’ exactly.” I found it hard to believe what he was saying, especially since Georgia was grinning and nodding behind him. I looked across to Gen, where she was watching me with red eyes. I could tell that she had been crying. I tried to stand up, but I just fell back down again. Jason helped me up, and then I walked over to Gen. Jason started to walk away, put I grabbed his hand to turn him around.
“Thanks.” I said, smiling. He smiled back, then walked off.
I turned back to Gen, and gave her a big hug. Her head was on my shoulder, and I could feel her crying again.
“Hey, shhh. I’m okay. I’m fine.” I whispered to her. She nodded, and stepped back.



THanks guys, please respond.
My love always, Lyza

Your stories back!!!
This was always one of my favorites and then when u quit i was so sad. But now it's back!!

Naww thanks
I've missed you guys, I can't remember why I left.
I'll try to update more frequently so you can read the new stuff sooner.
Luv Lyza

CHAPTER 4
Mum came and picked me up from the pool 15 minutes later. The lifeguard told her to take me to the hospital. I was told to stay home for 4 days, but mum made me stay at home for a week. I got so bored. My friends came and occasionally visited me after school, but what I wanted most was to see Jason. He saved my life. Even though my Mum had been over there a thousand times to thank him, it felt as if I was just passing my thanks through her, and I needed to thank him myself.
My mum was over there, or I thought she was, until she came home shortly after she left. With Jason.
“Hey. What are you doing here?” I asked him.
“I just thought I’d come and see how you were. You must be pretty bored.” He replied. I laughed nervously and nodded. We went into the lounge room, and sat on the couch. It took a moment to sink in. Jason McManus was in my house.
“So how are you?” Jason asked.
“I’m good.” I replied.
“So when are you coming back to school?”
“Wednesday.”
“Cool.”
“So how’s everything at school?”
“Good. Pretty boring, actually.”
“Yeh, first week usually is.”
“I actually have something for you.” Jason turned around, and opened the bag that I hadn’t noticed he bought in. He pulled out a piece of paper, and another fell out with it. But he stuffed the other one back in his bag, and handed the first sheet to me.
“Religion assignment.” He explained.
I groaned. “Already?”
“Yep.”
“I’m gonna put this in my room.” I said, then stood up and started walking. Jason didn’t need any encouragement. I could hear him right behind me. We reached my room, and Jason walked straight over to my guitar.
“You play?” He asked me, picking it up.
“A little. You?”
“Yeh. I know a couple of songs. Wanna hear one?” He replied, and I nodded, and he went over and sat on my bed, and beckoned for me to sit next to him.
Jason started playing the guitar and singing.
“A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather. I was prayin’ that you and me might end up together. It’s like wishing for rain and I stand in the desert. But I’m holding you closer than most, ‘cuz you are my heaven.” I was shocked. Surprised. Amazed. His voice was a little husky, but angelic at the same time. I watched and listened in awe as he sang out the length of the song.
“Wow.” I said when he finished.
“I know. I’m not very good.”
“No, you’re amazing.”
“Not really.”
“Well, you’re tons better than me.” I replied, and Jason smiled, and held the guitar out to me. I shook my head.
“Nup. No way.” I refused.
“Come on. You can’t be that bad.”
“Yeh, I can. And I am.”
“Ah, come on. Look, I’ll teach you a song.” He said. After a moment of considering, I replied.
“Fine.”
Jason smiled, and handed the guitar to me.
“What song do you want to learn?”
“What songs do you know?” I could feel my flirtatious self taking over again, just like when I winked at him in the pool. Not that I needed to flirt. He was doing all the work himself.
“I’m yours.” He said softly, and moved closer to me. He’d said it like he actually meant it. I was surprised beyond comprehension.
“What?” I managed to choke out.
“I’m Yours.” He repeated. “You know, that song by Jason Mraz? I can play it on guitar.
“Oh. Right.”
“Wanna learn it? He prompted.
“Yeh, why not.” I replied once I had pulled myself together.
After 2 hours of him trying to teach me how to play I’m Yours, I finally got it. I kept practising over and over again, and he’d just watch me. Over and over again. I’d finished playing the song for about the 20th time, and was about to start again, when Jason put his hand on top of mine. He eased the guitar out of my grip, then held my hand again.
I was pretty close to hyperventilating. The guy of my dreams was in my house, sitting on my bed, holding my hand. Jason took a deep breath, then started telling me something that I’d been yearning to hear for nearly four years.
“You know, I’m pretty embarrassed to say this, but I’ve had a crush on you for as long as I can remember.”
I couldn’t move at all. Jason just sat there, looking into my eyes for what seemed like a lifetime.
“I should go soon.” He whispered.
“Do you have to?” I replied. He chuckled.
“Yeh. Are you going to the dance tomorrow?” He asked.
“Taking dating tips off Chloe, are you?” I jokingly accused. Jason blushed, then looked down at his lap. I smiled.
“Haha. No. I’m just… not very good at asking people out.” He admitted. I was so shocked.
“You’re… asking me out?”
“Yeh, I guess I am.” He then looked up at me again, and held my gaze. I couldn’t help my jaw dropping open. Hurt flashed across Jason’s face. “But if you don’t want to… you know, it’s cool. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. You prob-” He rambled.
“No, no, no. I’d love to.” I replied with a smile. He smiled back.
“Slight problem though.”
“What?”
“I don’t know if my mum will let me.”
“Can you ask?” He pleaded. I nodded, and called my mum in.
“Yes?” She asked me.
“Umm… can I go to the dance?” I replied hopefully.
“When is it?”
“Tomorrow night.”
“What?! No!”
“But mum… I’m fine. Please!”
“I’m sorry, but no. What if something happens to you?” She said worriedly.
“I’ll take good care of her, Mrs. Baker.” Jason assured her, taking my hand again.
“Do you promise?” Mum asked. Jason nodded. Mum sighed, and gave in.
“Fine, then. You can go.”
“Yay! Thanks mum!” I squealed. I jumped up and hugged her.
“Now, Jason, do you need a lift home?” Mum asked.
“If you don’t mind…”
“Of course I don’t mind. I’ll be out in the car.” Mum said as she left the room.
“I brought you a form. If you get your mum to sign it, I can buy you a ticket tomorrow.” Jason told me.
“How much are they?” I asked him.
“Nup. This one’s on me.”
“No way!!”
“Yes way.” He insisted. I glared at him, then gave in. I must have gotten this off my mother.
“Fine. But just this once.” Jason grinned with satisfaction. He handed me the form.

On the way back to Jason’s house, it was awkwardly silent. Mum picked up on this. I think she thought she was making it better.
“So how long have you kiddies been… you know, together?” She asked. I put my head in my hands. Oh God. Jason was trying not to laugh. I looked up at him, and we both burst out laughing. That broke the ice a little bit. We started talking about all kinds of stuff. Music, movies, books, school, and even cars in the end. When we finally got to his house, he told me that he would see me tomorrow at the dance.

When I got to school on friday, my friends were getting their names marked off. I walked over to my house table, got my name marked off and went over to greet them.
“Hey.” I said.
“Hey.” Gen replied.
We entered the gym, and waited around for the music to start.
For the first hour, I danced and jumped around with my friends. This was to be expected. For every dance I had ever been to, no girls got asked to dance for at least an hour.
An hour and 20 minutes had passed. There were a few couples dancing around the edge of the gym, but not many. I hadn’t seen Jason all night. Then I saw him. He was wearing a yellow t-shirt and black shorts. He caught my eye and smiled, but he didn’t approach me, so I continued to dance with my friends.
Jason caught my eye again, about 10 minutes later. He started to walk towards me, but he stopped halfway. I guessed that I was supposed to walk the other half, so I did. When I reached him, he held out his hand to me.
“Dance with me?” He asked. I smiled, and nodded once. Then he led me out onto the dance floor, and put his arms around my waist. I returned the favour by putting my arms around his neck and we started dancing.
He danced with me for a long time. A lot of the time, he was just staring into my eyes. It was almost as if he was searching for something.
It was about 8:30, and we only had an hour left. I didn’t want it to end. The song ‘Boys and Girls’ by Pixie Lott came on, and Jason looked into my eyes. Again. I got the vibe that he was too nervous to do anything more, so I started to lean in towards him. He got my drift, leant down until he reached my lips. We only kissed for a second, and then he pulled away. He looked at me as his face went cold.
“You won the bet. Congratulations. Glad I could help.” Then Jason let go of me and started to walk away from me. Shock took hold of me, but I had to chase after him. I had to make this right. I grabbed Jason’s hand to try and stop him from walking any further, but he just shook me off and walked faster. He walked out the doors, and I shouted at him to turn around. Reluctantly, he did.
“Jason… I… I’m so sorry!”
“Why would you do that?” He didn’t sound hurt at all, but I could tell that he was. His voice was so cold.
“The bet… it was nothing! Jason, I’ve had a crush on you since year seven. The bet was just an excuse to get to you.”
“Why the hell would you need one?” He was getting angry now.
“I know that it was all handled badly. But I was nervous, and you… you didn’t even know that I existed!”
“That’s *beep*! I’ve known who you are since year seven!”
“Well, sorry, but that’s the impression I got, since you never talk to me.”
“Why should I be the one to start conversation?”
“Well why shouldn’t you be?” I was starting to get a little angry myself, and I was on the verge of tears. But I still felt so guilty. Through the hard, stone mask that covered his face, I saw that he was hurt by the feeling of being played. Then I saw something else. Guilt. And regret. But why?
Then something hit me.
“You bastard.” I could feel the tears swelling in my eyes. The
coldness vanished from Jason’s face. And I could see that he was hurt by my words, but I didn’t stop. “All this time… you… you were just pretending. All that crap about you liking me… that was all just a big ‘build-up’ to this, wasn’t it? This is your glory moment. Well I hope that it all went according to plan” I said with shock realization.
“You shouldn’t have made that bet.” He reminded me. I blew up at him.
“Well you know what? I didn’t even make that bet.”
“W… what?”
“Yeah, that’s right. Bella made it on my behalf. But don’t even blame it on her. She was just trying to get Chloe off my back. So sorry if it got a bit out of hand, but there was no way in the world that I ever meant to hurt you. Ever.” By this point, I was crying. I was so pissed off and hurt. I ran through the Gym, so that I could just grab my handbag and go home. I was nearly at the doors of the cloak room when I felt someone grab me and pull me back. I turned around to see Mr. Lombardi with a very concerned expression on his face.
“Bec? What’s wrong?” He asked me. I just shook my head.
“N… nothing. I have to leave.” I told him. I knew that he’d say no. We weren’t allowed to leave by ourselves.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah. You can leave if you really want to.”
“Really?”
“Really. As long as you tell me what’s wrong.”
“I…”
“It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone. And you don’t have to tell me now. You can tell me in our conversation on Monday.”
“Do I have to?”
“Look, Bec, I just want to know that you’re okay. And clearly you’re not, because you’re crying.”
I didn’t say anything. He was right. Mr. Lombardi walked me to the edge of school.
“Now, are you sure that you’re okay?” He asked. I nodded. “Okay. Off you go.”
I was in shock. I hadn’t realized how nice he was. But I was dreading the moment when I had to tell him everything. What was I going to do??

CHAPTER 5
I was so pissed off at Jason. No. More than that. I was more hurt than I had ever been. I couldn’t believe that he could be such an *beep* to me. I was walking to tutor group on Monday, and Zoe greeted me when I got there.
“Hey. What happened to you on Friday? You just disappeared.” She said.
“Yeh… umm… I’ll tell you all at recess.” I told her. She looked confused, but nodded anyway. At recess, I told them everything.
I had decided to lie to Mr. Lombardi. Sure he was nice and everything, but I didn’t want him knowing all the details of my personal life. I figured that I’d tell him that I got trampled on, or something along those lines. Not exactly genius, but hopefully it would do.
I walked into the seminar room in the library, where Ben was finishing his conversation. When he walked out, I went in and sat on the chair next to Mr. Lombardi.
“How are you today?” He asked me.
“I’m fine.” I replied. He nodded, and then looked at me with those gorgeous eyes. “Look, I-”
“You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to.” He said. I sighed with relief. I was so lucky to have such a nice tutor. It was awkwardly silent. “But I’m always here if you want to talk.” He added. I don’t know what came over me, just I suddenly spilled.
“Jason McManus… well, it’s a long story…” I started. Before I knew it, I was pouring my heart out to him. And I didn’t even know why. Our conversation ended up going for forty minutes. I don’t know why, but I felt so much better at the end. He thanked me for telling him.
At lunch, Chloe tried to talk to Jason, but he just ignored her. At least one good thing came out of this whole ordeal. Chloe finally got what she deserved.
Jason was not only in my Drama class, but he was also in my English class. He sat next to me when he came in. I groaned and turned my back to him to face Georgia. During the 55 minutes of the lesson, he passed me a note. I put it in my diary, but didn’t read it until later, when I was at home. It read:

It was $15

I couldn’t believe it. He was such a jerk. I was so angry. I got out $15 from my wallet, and wrote a note in reply to his.

You’re a jerk. I hate you. Leave me alone.

I put both the money and the note in an envelope, and put it in his locker the next morning.

Two weeks had passed. I hadn’t had anything to do with Jason. I didn’t want to. And it seemed as though he didn’t want anything to do with me, either. That was until a note from him dropped out of my locker at the beginning of lunch on a Wednesday. It read:

Becca,
I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I was such a jerk, and I hate myself for hurting you. Yeh, I was angry that the bet was made, but I shouldn’t have acted as immaturely as I did. I know that it was wrong to lie to you. It wasn’t all lies, though. I have had a crush on you since year 7. That wasn’t a lie. I promise. And it is still true. I still like you.
When you told me that you’d liked me since year 7, it broke my heart that I treated you like that. It broke my heart to think that I’d broken yours.
I’m hoping and praying that you can find it in you to give me a second chance. Even if you can’t, at least come to my spot at lunch and hear what I have to say. I would be eternally grateful if you would.
Jason.

Then there were a list of directions on how to get to ‘his spot’. No matter how much I hated him, it made me smile to think that he would go to so much effort just to speak to me. That he would spill his heart out to me in a letter that, technically, anyone could read. I half-smiled - no one had ever called me Becca before.
I followed his directions until I reached a small patch of grass that backed onto the cement building that I’d just come out of. I was surrounded by tall trees and pink and yellow wildflowers, while the grass was a lush green colour. It was the most beautiful patch of land I’d ever seen. Jason was standing at the edge, staring into the trees, with his back facing me. I guessed that he didn’t know I was here, so I cleared my throat to inform him of my presence. He turned around suddenly and smiled at me.
“Hey! You’re here!” He said enthusiastically.
“Yep.” I replied.
“Hmm… okay, well… I kind of already said everything in the note. It was all true, by the way.”
I didn’t say anything in response. I just looked at him. I felt really vulnerable, and I think that he knew that. He looked at me with a you-know-you-want-me kind of expression. It was so hot. God, he was irresistible. As soon as I looked at him, I forgot about all the reasons I had worked up in my head not to give in to him.
He started to approach me ever so slowly. It was excruciating. It was as if he was giving me time to consider what I was going to do when he finally reached me. I didn’t need to consider anything. As soon as he reached me, he took both of my hands and pressed his lips against mine once.
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. I owed it to myself to stay strong; to protect myself from his convincing kiss. I closed my eyes to shield myself from his.
Jason let go of my hands.
“Forgive me.” He breathed in my ear. I surrendered, and opened my eyes. He was smiling at me. His smile was so powerful, that I couldn’t help but smile back. He stared into my eyes, and slowly wound his arms around my waist, leaning in towards me just as slowly. Once again, it was excruciating. I threw myself at him, kissing him passionately, and throwing my arms around his neck. I pulled him so close to my chest that I was surprised that either of us could actually breathe.
After a long moment, we stopped kissing.
“I knew you wanted me.” Jason said in a smug tone. I tried to hide my smile.
We sat down on the grass.
“Why exactly did Tristan tell you about the bet?” I asked him.
“What? It wasn’t Tristan who told me about the bet.” He replied, confused.
“Who told you about it then?” I was confused. Surely Bella wouldn’t have told him.
“Chloe.”
My eyes narrowed. I should’ve known. She was probably scared that I would win, so she was sabotaging my chances.
“Then what was Tristan talking to you about?” Jason laughed at my question.
“Well, he was talking to me out of jealousy. He came to tell me that you were crazy about me.”
I flushed a deep red. Then something hit me.
“Jealousy?”
“Yeah…”
“Tristan was jealous? Why?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” I shook my head, and he sighed. “Because you liked me and not him. He had a crush on you.”
My mouth dropped open. Tristan had a crush on me?
“Why are you so surprised?” Jason asked.
“Well why wouldn’t I be?”
“You shouldn’t be. Of course he’d have a crush on you. You’re gorgeous.” My face went darker, and I couldn’t help but to smile.
When the bell went, he took my hand as we walked to our next class.
I agreed to take Jason back not only because he seemed genuinely apologetic, but I had a deep feeling in the bit of my stomach that I would regret it if I didn’t. Although I wasn’t really ‘taking him back’. I never really had him in the first place.

Jason had asked me out on a date, and of course I’d said yes. We’d agreed to see a movie, but he wouldn’t let me in on which one it was.
When I saw him standing by the fountain at the shops, my heart skipped a beat. I couldn’t believe that I was actually on a date with Jason. Jason, who I’d been crushing on for years.
He grinned when he saw me, making me catch my breath. We walked into the movies, and he bought tickets to a really, really scary movie. I cringed – I was horrible in these movies. The slightest movement would get me hiding behind the seat in front of me. The only thing keeping me from running away was the knowledge that Jason was going to be there.
Jason led me into the cinema, and sat in a seat in the middle of the cinema, and I sat next to him.
As soon as the movie started, I knew just how bad it was going to be. It started with the image of someone being murdered.
By about a quarter of the way through the movie, my knees were pulled up to my chest, with my head buried in my hand.
I sneaked a look at the screen, just to see someone being stabbed. I instinctively reached out and grabbed Jason’s hand. He looked at me, trying not to laugh, with his eyebrows slightly raised. I smiled sheepishly.
“Sorry.” I whispered, then looked back at the screen. He slowly drew his hand back from mine, and my heart sank. I didn’t understand. We’d already kissed. Twice. So why did it matter if I held his hand? Puzzled and disappointed, I kept questioning myself for a brief moment until I felt his arm around my shoulders. I looked over at him to see him subtly put up the arm rest between us, and then pull me closer to him.
I snuggled into his chest – I could hear screams coming from a girl in the movie – and nothing had ever felt more natural.
At the end of the movie, Jason stood up, and kept his arm over my shoulders as we walked out of the cinema. All throughout dinner afterwards, I couldn’t stop smiling. And neither could he, or so it seemed.

A couple of days later, Jason and I were walking through the quad with our arms around each other. Mr. Lombardi walked past us, and a disapproving expression came upon his face.
“What’s his problem?” Jason asked me quietly.
“I… uh… who knows?” I replied, not wanting him to know that my tutor – who happened to be extremely hot – knew everything about us. Life was amazing right now, and there was no way in the world that I was going to ruin that.

What used to be Jason's spot was now our spot. We spent the majority of our lunchtimes there, and the rest we either spent with his group or mine. No matter where we were, we were always together.
It was a couple of weeks later, on a Friday, and me and Jason were sitting with my group at lunch.
We were just talking, as per usual, when I noticed that Bella was staring and smiling at Aden. I thought that she had a crush on him, so I whispered something in Jason's ear. He nodded.
"Hey, Aden!!" Jason called out over his shoulder. Aden looked over at us, and Jason gestured for him to come over to where we were sitting.
"Aden, this is Bella. Bella, Aden." He said. Bella jumped up and ran over to Aden. Then she threw herself at him, and started kissing him. He kissed her back, and they started fully making out, right in front of us. After a while, they stopped, and just gazed into each others eyes. They seemed to be unaware that every single person in the quad was watching them.
My jaw was on the ground. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Aden and Bella held hands and came to sit with us.
“ Umm... what was that?" Mel asked.
“ Ha... yeh... we kind of have something to tell you." Bella replied.
Aden took a deep breath.
"We've been dating for a year." He explained. The whole quad went quite. You could've heard a pin drop.
"What?" Jason asked, nearly choking on his food. I was just as shocked as he was. "You didn't tell us this because..."
"We decided it was better to wait." Bella said.
"Yeh. I wanted to wait for Jason to finally get his act together and ask you out," Aden said, turning to me. "He wasn't lying, you know. He hasn't stopped going on about you since year 7. It actually got very annoying. Jason has been wanting to kiss you since he first saw you."
I flushed, and turned around to face Jason. His face was red, too. I kissed him once, and then turned back around to face Aden and Bella. Jason wrapped his arms around my waist.
Aden and Bella spent the rest of lunchtime telling us about how they met and how they kept it a secret all this time.
At the end of lunch, I was still in shock. I couldn't believe that Bella had been going out with Aden. He, apart from Jason (in my opinion), was really, really hot; one of the hottest guys in the school. He was also one of the nicest. But then again, it didn't surprise me. Bella deserved only the best.

I got a text from Jason on late Saturday morning, asking me to go over to his house for a swim. I got to his house at about 11:30.
We went in the pool and were just swimming and mucking around, until he cornered me in the shallow end. He put his arms on either side of me so that I couldn't get away from me. I tried, unsuccessfully, to squirm out of his grip.
"Are you trying to get away from me?" He asked, offended. I smiled and nodded. He stepped closer to me. "Well that's not very good, is it?" I closed the gap between us and put my arms around his neck.
"And why isn't that good?" I asked.
"Because otherwise I wouldn't be able to do stuff like this..." He leaned in towards me. I thought that he was going to kiss me, but instead he quickly loosened himself from my grip and swam away laughing. I tried to chase after him, but he was super fast. Whenever I got to his end of the pool, he'd just swim to the other end.
I stood in the shallow end, and crossed my arms and pouted. I was pretending to be angry at him, but we both knew that it was all just a game.
"Aw, baby, don't be upset." He said, coming back towards me. He tried to force my pout into a smile with his fingers, and I couldn't help but to laugh. He hugged me, then pushed my hair behind my ears.
"I really like you, Becca." He told me softly. I smiled at him.
"I really like you, too." I replied. Then he held my face in his hands and kissed me.
I was so happy. There was no place I'd rather be than in the safe and secure arms of Jason.

CHAPTER 6
Ever since our one-month anniversary a couple of days ago, Jason had been acting weird for nearly a week. It was almost as if he wanted to tell me something, but couldn't. Of course I assumed the worst straight away.
At recess I decided to confront him. I wanted to know if he was leaving me. Although the pain of him leaving me seemed eternal, the pain of not knowing was worse.
When I saw him, I got straight to the point.
"Please don't leave me." I whispered. Tears were forming in my eyes. I knew that I sounded pathetic, but I didn’t care.
"What? I'm not leaving you, Becca!" He replied, horrified.
"Then what's wrong with you? Why have you been acting so weird?"
Jason sighed.
"Well, the truth is that I've been trying to tell you something... and it's not that easy to say."
I stayed silent. I still had a million bad thoughts running through my mind.
"Becca... I... I..." Then he took a deep breath and continued. "Becca, I love you. More than anything in the world. I've never felt this way about anyone before."
I breathed a big sigh of relief, and then I hugged him. I squeezed him so tight.
"I love you so much, Jason." I whispered into his ear.

On Friday, Jason didn't come to meet me at my locker before lunch. That was unusual. I went straight to our spot, and sure enough, he was there. But he didn't look happy. I kept my mouth shut in the fear that whatever I would say would just make matters worse.
"Mr. Lombardi came to see me today." He said casually. "Told me not to hurt you again."
Oh no.
Jason walked over to me and held my face in his hands.
"Becca, you know I love you, but I need to be able to trust you. You can't go running off to Mr. Lombardi after every argument."
I just nodded, and he kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him, never wanting to let go.

After weeks of begging and being the best daughter I could be, my parents had finally agreed to let me stay the night at Jason's house. My dad still didn't want me to go, but my mum completely trusted me. I didn't know why. I didn't even trust myself when I was with Jason.

It was 10.00pm. Jason and I were lying side by side on his bed in the dark, listening to music, and it was quite hot. I was wearing a singlet top and shorts, and he was wearing a t-shirt and shorts.
“God, it’s hot.” He said, and he sat up and took his shirt off. In the dim moonlight, I could just see him.
“It is now.” I replied quietly. He smiled, and lay back down next to me. I sat up, and took my shirt off, so all I was wearing was my bra. I lay back down next to him. He just stared at me.
“Is this a problem?” I asked him teasingly.
“Oh. It’s a big problem.” He replied, grinning, and leant over, pressing his lips to my neck. After a while, He lifted himself off me, and stared into my eyes.
“Are you scared?” He asked me. I stared back into his eyes, searching for a reason to be scared, but I couldn’t find any. Instead I saw kindness, warmth, and most of all, love. I shook my head, but it didn’t seem to convince him, because he stayed where he was. I put my hand on the side of his face.
“I love you. And I completely trust you.” I said softly.
“I love you, too.” He replied, smiling. Then he kissed my lips.
After a while, I was fully underneath him. It didn’t matter that the weight of him was pushing me into the bed. It didn’t matter that we were both uncertain how to do this. All that mattered was that I was with Jason. We took the rest of our clothes off, and I rolled on top of him. He gently pushed me off him, and stood up.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, concerned. He just smiled, and walked towards the door. Then he turned the lock on the door, and returned to the side of the bed.
“Can’t have my mum walking in on us, now can we?” He replied.
“I thought they were out.” I started to panic a bit.
“They are. But I don’t know what time they are coming home. Probably after midnight, but I wanted to be on the safe side.” He reassured me.
“That’s good to know.” With that, I pulled him back onto the bed and into my arms.

I woke up to the warm sunlight, in Jason’s arms. I looked up at Jason, who wasn’t awake yet. I smiled, remembering last night. It was by far the best night of my life. I looked over at his alarm clock. It was 9:30am. I had to be home by 3:00pm, so I had plenty of time.
Jason didn’t wake up for half an hour, but it didn’t matter. I was happier and more content lying in his arms as I would have been anywhere else. When he finally woke up, he kissed the top of my head, and held me closely to his chest.
“Good morning, gorgeous.” He said to me. We lay there, in silence, for half an hour, when we decided that it was time to get up.
“I’m going to have a shower.” I said to him, and started to walk towards the bathroom. Jason just stood there awkwardly. He seemed to be contemplating whether or not that was an invitation. I smiled, walked back to him and dragged him along. I took both his hands and wrapped them around my waist as we made our way to the bathroom. After our shower, we got dressed and went downstairs to the kitchen.
“Where are your mum and dad?” I asked him curiously.
“They texted me last night after you fell asleep, to tell me that they decided to stay in the City for the night.”
“Cool. More time to ourselves, then.” I said, and walked over to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and he leaned down and kissed me.
Even though I’d had plenty of him last night, I still wanted him so badly right now. I pulled him down to my level, and kissed him hungrily. We kissed passionately for a while, and he ended up lifting me off the ground and just holding me against him for the remainder of our kiss. It seemed to last forever.
“What time do you have to be at home?” He asked me after a while.
“3.” I replied.
“Good. I’ve got you for four more hours, then.” He smiled, and I smiled back.
We had breakfast, and then we watched a movie, although we weren’t really watching. Neither of us could concentrate on the television. All I could think about was Jason. I’m sure that it was the same for him. Jason’s mum and dad came home at about 2, and offered me a lift home.
“Umm, no, I should be ok. I think I’ll walk.” I told them. Jason looked at me.
“But it’s so hot.” I nudged him, and he finally caught up. “Oh yeh. We’ll walk.”
I smiled, and snuggled into his chest. I was the happiest girl in the world.
“But Jason, don’t you have homework to do?” Jason’s dad asked.
“Yeh, but I was thinking that I’d do it at Becca’s. She has the same homework as me.” Jason replied.
Jason’s dad sighed. “Alright then, but just this once.”
On our way home, Jason and I were walking hand in hand the whole time.

As soon as we got home, I put on my cardigan. It was surprisingly cold, considering how hot it had been last night. I was sitting on the edge of my bed when Jason came and sat next to me.
He sat next to me, and started kissing me and unbuttoning my cardigan. I pushed his hand away, and he obviously didn’t get it, because he looked at me confusingly.
“It’s cold.” I complained. He grinned and lifted me onto his lap. He curled me into a ball against his muscular chest. Then he slid his hand up the arm of my cardigan and started rubbing my arm to keep me warm. I smiled, and snuggled into his chest.
I realised suddenly how tired I actually was.
I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up, still in Jason’s arms, and it was getting dark outside.
“What time is it?” I mumbled.
“6:30.” Jason replied.
“Six-thirty? Oh my god! I’m so sorry, Jason.”
“Hey, hey, it’s fine. There’s no where I’d rather be.” He smiled warmly at me. I smiled back, then kissed him once.
Then I picked up his hand and played with his fingers.
“Why?” I asked curiously.
“Why? What?”
“Yeh, why? Wouldn’t you rather be hanging out with you friends or something?”
“Of course I wouldn’t. I’m not in love with my friends, am I?”
I had to laugh at that.
“But why do you love me? Why not someone else?”
“Why do I love you? Because you’re amazing, that’s why. Because you’re so cute. Because you’re selfless and kind and caring. Because you love me.”
I smiled.
“I love you so much.” I said, and then started kissing him again. We kissed for ages.
“Are we…” Jason asked. I knew what he meant. I stood up.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Then I winked at him and started to walk away.
I felt something yank me back onto the bed so that I was lying on my back. Then Jason was on top of me. He launched into kissing me again, and attempted to take off my cardigan for the second time.
And I didn’t try to stop him.
After only a minute, I was completely topless and so was he.
And then I heard it.
My parents arrived home. Without thinking, I swore loudly and quickly put my clothes back on. Jason did the same. By the time my parents came into my room, Jason and I were sitting on the floor against my bed, listening to my iPod. We tried to hide the fact that we were puffed from trying to hide what we were just doing.
“Hi, kids.” My mum greeted us cheerfully. My dad just left the room. He hated the idea of me having a boyfriend.
“Hey, mum.” I said.
“Hi, Mrs. Green.” Jason said politely.
“Oh, please call me Louise.” My mum practically begged him. “So what are you kids up to?”
“Umm…” My mind went blank.
“Just listening to music.” Jason said.
“What are you listening to?” Mum asked. This was getting a bit suss. Jason looked at my iPod to see what we were listening to. Then he burst out laughing.
“The Backstreet Boys.” He replied, still laughing.
“Oh… that’s… nice.”
Then mum finally left. Jason was still laughing.
“Why on earth do you have the Backstreet Boys on your iPod?”
“I dunno… Nice save, by the way.”
“Thanks.”

Jason ended up staying for dinner. At 9:00, we were watching TV when he announced that he should probably go home. A wave of disappointment washed over me as he grabbed his school books out of my room.
“Do you really have to go?” I asked him, pain coating my voice. He smiled sympathetically and held my face in his big hands.
“You know, you’ll be seeing me in less than 12 hours.” He said softly. Great. 12 hours.
“I miss you already.” I whispered. I knew how pathetic I must have sounded, but I couldn’t help it.
“I miss you more.” He replied, and then smiled. He kissed me for a long time, but it still wasn’t enough. I had to savour the moment while I could.
When he finally left, I was actually kind of relieved. I realised that I was getting kind of clingy, and plus, it was good to have some time to think about what a big step we had taken over the weekend.
There was nothing to regret, nothing that I wished I hadn’t done. I loved and trusted Jason more than ever.

CHAPTER 7
The week had gone by super-quickly. It was Friday before I knew it. I was sitting at home, watching TV, when I heard a knock on my door. I knew that it wasn’t Jason, because he had swimming training.
It was Aden.
“Oh, hi, Aden.” I greeted, wondering what he could possibly want.
“Hey, Becca. Can I come in?” He asked.
“Umm, sure.”
He came in and sat on the couch. I sat down as well, and turned the TV off.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“Yeh? About what?”
“Jason.”
“Oh?”
“Yeh.” There was a long silence before he continued. “He loves you. So much. Whenever I get to see him, he’s always talking about how much he loves you. I just wanted to tell you that and ask you a favour.”
“Sure…”
“Can you promise me something?”
“Sure…”
“Can you promise me that you won’t break his heart? No matter what he goes through, can you promise to always be there for him? No matter what happens?”
“Aden, of course I’ll always be there for Jason. What’s going on?”
Aden took a deep breath and stood up.
“Come for a walk with me?”
“Ok…”
This was strange. A little too strange.
We walked to the school oval, where he walked to the middle and sat down cross legged. He pulled two envelopes out of his pocket, and gave them to me. One of them was addressed to Bella, the other to Jason.
“What’s going on?” I asked him again. This was really sus.
“Just promise me that you’ll always be there for Jason.”
“I promise.”
“Forgive me.” He whispered, and then stood up and walked about 10 meters away from me and sat down again.
“Aden?” I asked.
He ignored me, and then I saw it. He pulled something small and black out of his pocket, and pointed it to his head.
“NO!!!!” I screamed, and ran over to stop him.
But I was too late. He pulled the trigger on the gun he was holding, and by the time I got to him, he was already dead.
I screamed and slumped over his body, sobbing uncontrollably.

I had to talk to Jason. I had to. I knew that he was grieving and that he probably wouldn't want to talk to me right now, but I had promised Aden that I wouldn't give up on Jason. And I wouldn't let him give up, either.
It was Aden's funeral today at 11:00am. Jason's parents were sobbing. I had also noticed that Gen was holding onto Tristan's arm. I hadn't realized that they were going out. Bella was worse though. She was so depressed, I was wondering what was keeping her alive. But it was Jason that worried me. He was withdrawn. He wouldn't let me go near him, let alone touch him. He wasn't crying or showing any emotion, but I knew that he was dying inside.

After the funeral, I went back to Jason's house to talk to him. As soon as I got there, he walked silently into his room and sat on the ground without acknowledging me. He tossed a piece of paper towards me, and told me to read it. I looked at it and automatically recognized Aden's handwriting.
“Read it.” He ordered.
"Jason... I couldn't. It's private." I protested.
“I told you to read it." He hissed back at me. I nodded, and picked it up.

Jason,
Please, please don't blame anyone for this. It is no-one's fault. Especially not yours. You need to understand that there was a lot going on for me, and it all just got a bit much. This is no-one's fault.
I am so happy that you are happy. That you've been lucky enough to meet the love of your life. Don't push Bec away. You're so lucky to have her, but she's even luckier to have you. Please, I'm begging you, please don't break up with Becca over me. You know that she loves you more than anything, and that she would do anything for you.
I know that you'll be OK eventually. Even if you do lose your way for a bit, I know that you'll figure it out. You have to figure it out.
If there's one thing you can do, please do not give in. Please, please, please do not commit suicide. I'm not a good enough reason for you to end your life.
Remember. THIS IS NO-ONE'S FAULT.
Especially yours. You were the best friend that I could ever have. Thank-you so much for being there.
I'm so sorry.
Aden.

I was in tears when I finished. I looked to Jason, who was glaring at me. I tried to put my hand on his arm, but he flinched away.
"It's my fault." He declared.
"No, it's not. Aden said that it wasn't."
"He's lying. He was just being polite. If I hadn't been spending so much time with you, then I would've been able to help him. He wouldn't be dead right now."
His words wounded me beyond belief. I felt like I had been stabbed in the chest several times, and then my heart had been ripped out. Like the life had been sucked right out of me.
I silently stood up and left his house.
It felt as if I was leaving his house forever.

After spending a dark week in my room grieving both Aden’s death and my loss of Jason, I decided to go back to school. I needed to see Jason. I knew that what he was doing was purely out of grief, and that he didn’t mean it. I needed to talk him out of it, to keep my promise to Aden.
As soon as I got to school early Monday morning, I soon picked up the eerie vibe that was clouding the school’s atmosphere. Everyone was grieving Aden’s death. Aden teased no-one; he was a friend to everyone. I had also noticed by recess that Jason wasn’t at school. It was completely understandable. Bella wasn’t there as well. I hadn’t even thought to go see her. My thoughts had been so clouded by Jason and Aden that I hadn’t even thought about how this would be affecting her. It would be affecting her the worst.
Aden was her life. She was so in love with him, and I knew that this would be killing her. I had to see her after school. Then I would go talk to Jason.

When I got to Bella’s house, her Mum welcomed me in without hesitation. She told me that Bella really needed a friend right now, and that I was her first visitor. That was weird. Surely someone else would have come to check up on her??
I walked into her room, and it was nearly pitch black. I opened the door wide enough so that the light would lead me to where she was.
Bella was curled up on her bed, with her head in her hands. I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her.
She crumpled in my arms and put her head into my shoulder, sobbing.
“You okay?” I asked. It felt like a stupid question. Of course she wasn’t okay. But I really didn’t know what else to say.
Bella shook her head and then looked up at me.
“He said that I was the one thing keeping him alive. In the letter, that is.” She told me, and I thought that I saw a ghost of a smile on her face.
I hugged her tighter.
“He also said that he loved me more than anything. I never even got a chance to say goodbye.” She said, and then started sobbing again.
“Hey, shh. Aden knew how much you loved him.” I tried to convince her. Bella nodded, her head back on my shoulder.
“Thank-you.” She said in a whisper.
“It’s okay. I’ll always be here for you.”
She hugged me tighter, and we just sat there for ages.
“How’s Jason?” She asked after a long time.
I tried to hold back my tears, but I couldn’t stop my bottom lip from trembling.
“Not coping. He thinks it was his fault.”
“Is he talking to you?”
“No.” I whispered.
“Poor you. I’m s-“
“Shh. Don’t you worry about me. I’m fine.”
“No you’re not. Look, Jason’s going to wake up from this, and he’s going to come back to you. You’ll see.”
For the tiniest moment, I felt the smallest amount of hope that this would all work out.
I couldn’t leave Bella. I ended up staying with her for a few hours, trying to distract her as much as possible by talking about insignificant gossip, plot lines of soapies, the guys of Gossip Girl and a movie that I want to see.
I didn’t leave until 8:30 when Bella practically pushed me out of the door, and thanked me for making her feel better. When I got home, my parents told me how worried they were and asked me where I had been.
“I was at Bella’s.” That should’ve been explanation enough. But Dad didn’t stop there.
“Bec, sweetie, you have to tell us where you are. We were so worried that… that…”
“THAT WHAT? THAT I WOULD DO TO YOU GUYS WHAT ADEN TO HIS PARENTS? THAT I WOULD DO TO MY FRIENDS WHAT ADEN DID TO ALL OF US? THAT I WOULD DO TO JASON WHAT ADEN DID TO BELLA?” I shouted at them, and, for the first time since Aden shot himself, I felt angry at him for leaving us all here, by ourselves.
I ran into my room and slammed the door behind me, throwing myself onto my bed.
Mum was next to me in a flash, comforting me in a way that always worked.
“Honey, we know that you wouldn’t do that to yourself. But sometimes, someone is so overtaken by grief that they do things even they don’t understand.”
“Jason.” I whispered. “Mum, you need to take me to see Jason.”
“But sweetie, it’s quite late.”
“Mum, I need to go see him now, before he does anything stupid.”
Mum immediately realized what I meant, and we were out the door and driving to Jason’s in less than a minute.
We didn’t get there for 20 minutes. I practically ran to the front door.
“Rebecca… hi. Look, I’m not sure if now’s a really great time. Jason isn’t really up to having visitors right now.” Jason’s dad told me.
“Please, Mr. McManus, it’s an emergency. I really need to see him.” I pleaded.
With a sigh, he let me in, and I went straight to Jason’s room.
Jason was sitting on his bed with a sharp knife in his hands. He was staring at it, with his eyes full of hatred. I could see that he had been cutting himself.
“Jason! Oh my god!” I said as I ran over to him. I took the knife out of his hands and threw it across the room. I held his arms out to examine them. He wasn’t flinching away, but he wasn’t responding either. I could tell that he was truly dead inside.
He let me clean his cuts and bandage them, but he never said a word to me nor looked at me.
“Jason, it doesn’t have to be like this.” I whispered.
“It’s over, Bec.” He replied. The harshness of his voice scared me.
“Jason, p-“
“It was nice knowing you.”
“Please don’t do this! Please!”
“You’re dead to me.” He declared, and before I knew it tears were streaming down my face. I kissed him on the cheek before walking out of his house.
Any hope that I may have felt before was gone in a second. This time I knew that I was leaving his house forever.

I was heartbroken. I was devastated. I was so hurt. As soon as I got into the car, mum could tell that it hadn’t gone well.
“Want to talk about it?” She offered kindly.
“Apparently, I’m dead to him.”
“Oh, sweetie. You know he doesn’t mean it, right? He loves you very much. You know that.”
“Yeh, well, not anymore. I’m pretty sure he blames me for Aden’s suicide. I mean, just because I was there doesn’t mean that-“
“Wait, what? What did you just say?”
I was confused.
“Jason blames me for Aden’s suicide.”
Mum shook her head.
“No, before that. You were there??”
“Of course I was there. Everyone knows that, mum. Don’t they?”
Mum shook her head again.
“No. Why didn’t you tell me?” Mum hugged me as she said this.
“I thought you already knew.” Something that I wasn’t expecting sunk in.
“Bella. Jason. MUM, THEY DON’T KNOW!!” I then turned to her for advice, because I knew that she wouldn’t lie to me. “Mum, do you think that it’s important that they know?”
Mum nodded, and I immediately felt sick to the stomach.
Jason first. I could deal with him being angry at me. But if Bella got angry at me, I wouldn’t have the strength to go on. Jason first.
I got my phone out and texted Jason:

I was there.

He immediately texted back:

Come back. Now.

I don’t think that he had realized that I never left. I didn’t want to intrude on his home again, so I waited on the front lawn. Jason was out in a second.
“How were you there? Did you just STUMBLE across him?” Jason hissed.
“No. Aden came to my house.”
“What? Why?”
“Because he wanted me to promise him something.”
“What?”
“He wanted me to promise him that… that I would always be there for you. No matter what. That I would never give up on you.”
Jason didn’t say anything for ages. It seemed as if he was trying to process what I was saying. Then rage crossed his face.
“WHY DIDN’T YOU TRY AND STOP HIM!?!?” He shouted at me.
“I didn’t know what he was doing, Jason! I didn’t even know why he was at my house!”
“Right. So you’re saying that Aden just walked into your house, unannounced, and told you to be there for me? Well, Bec,” He said my name with hate, “That sounds very unlike him.”
“WELL, I’M SORRY, BUT SOMEONE ISN’T USUALLY HIMSELF WHEN HE’S ABOUT TO COMMIT SUICIDE!” I shouted at him, and immediately wished that I hadn’t.
All his withdrawal from me, from the world, vanished, and I could see how hurt he really was.
“I’m sorry. That was mean.” I whispered.
“Yeh, Bec, it was. But what else can I expect from you?”
I turned and started to walk towards my car. I had nothing more to say.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He whispered. His voice was so full of pain that I just wanted to run over to him and hug him, but I knew that I couldn’t.
“I thought you already knew.” I admitted honestly, then got in the car as he walked back into his house, and mum started driving away.
“Are you okay?” She asked me sympathetically.
“Yeh.” To my surprise, it was an honest answer.
“How are you going to tell Bella?”
“Face-to-face. There is no way that I’m telling her by text message. I’ll tell her tomorrow.” I said, realizing suddenly that it was nearly 10:30.

After a restless, sleepless night, I got up at 7:20am, ready to go to school, but mum wouldn’t let me.
“No. You look like a zombie. And plus, you’ve dealt with a lot in the past 24 hours. You need some time to rest.”
I had to agree with her. As usual. I was so tired.
I figured that Bella wouldn’t be at school either, so I went to her house at around lunchtime. Surely enough, she was there, and out of bed. It made me feel better that I helped her enough to get her walking again. But she was far from going back to school.
“Bella, I kind of need to tell you something.” I told her, ready to throw up.
“What’s up?” She replied cheerfully.
“Can we go outside?”
“Sure.”
She wasn’t getting sus at all. This was getting harder and harder.
“Bella… I need to tell you something.” I took a deep breath. “I was there.”
“Where?”
“I was with Aden when he…”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Bella, I honestly thought that you knew.”
Bella took a deep breath.
“How were you there?”
“Aden came to my house. Then he made me promise him that I would always be there for Jason. After that he asked to go for a walk. Then he gave me the letters – one for you and one for Jason – and shot himself in the head. I swear I didn’t know what he was doing. I would’ve stopped him if I did. I’m really sorry that I didn’t tell you before. It was only when my mum acted surprised when I casually brought it up in conversation that I figured out that no one knew.”
“So what did you do? Just leave his body there until someone found it?”
“What? No! Of course I didn’t! I called the police and stayed with him until they got there.”
“Then what?”
“And then I went home.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Bella, they said they’d inform everyone. I was so messed up; I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”
Bella took another deep breath, and started crying.
“I can’t deal with this right now!” She complained, and crouched down, putting her head in her hands.
I tried to put my arm around her, but she shook it off.
It was like Jason all over again.
“You should go.” Bella said to me plainly, not looking up.
“Bella, please don’t do this!”
I was crying now myself. I couldn’t face anymore rejection.
“Sorry, but you need to leave.”
So I left.
I could feel it. My whole life was falling apart.




Guys, please reply when you read this, because I wanna know what you think.
Luv Lyza

CHAPTER 4
Mum came and picked me up from the pool 15 minutes later. The lifeguard told her to take me to the hospital. I was told to stay home for 4 days, but mum made me stay at home for a week. I got so bored. My friends came and occasionally visited me after school, but what I wanted most was to see Jason. He saved my life. Even though my Mum had been over there a thousand times to thank him, it felt as if I was just passing my thanks through her, and I needed to thank him myself.
My mum was over there, or I thought she was, until she came home shortly after she left. With Jason.
“Hey. What are you doing here?” I asked him.
“I just thought I’d come and see how you were. You must be pretty bored.” He replied. I laughed nervously and nodded. We went into the lounge room, and sat on the couch. It took a moment to sink in. Jason McManus was in my house.
“So how are you?” Jason asked.
“I’m good.” I replied.
“So when are you coming back to school?”
“Wednesday.”
“Cool.”
“So how’s everything at school?”
“Good. Pretty boring, actually.”
“Yeh, first week usually is.”
“I actually have something for you.” Jason turned around, and opened the bag that I hadn’t noticed he bought in. He pulled out a piece of paper, and another fell out with it. But he stuffed the other one back in his bag, and handed the first sheet to me.
“Religion assignment.” He explained.
I groaned. “Already?”
“Yep.”
“I’m gonna put this in my room.” I said, then stood up and started walking. Jason didn’t need any encouragement. I could hear him right behind me. We reached my room, and Jason walked straight over to my guitar.
“You play?” He asked me, picking it up.
“A little. You?”
“Yeh. I know a couple of songs. Wanna hear one?” He replied, and I nodded, and he went over and sat on my bed, and beckoned for me to sit next to him.
Jason started playing the guitar and singing.
“A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather. I was prayin’ that you and me might end up together. It’s like wishing for rain and I stand in the desert. But I’m holding you closer than most, ‘cuz you are my heaven.” I was shocked. Surprised. Amazed. His voice was a little husky, but angelic at the same time. I watched and listened in awe as he sang out the length of the song.
“Wow.” I said when he finished.
“I know. I’m not very good.”
“No, you’re amazing.”
“Not really.”
“Well, you’re tons better than me.” I replied, and Jason smiled, and held the guitar out to me. I shook my head.
“Nup. No way.” I refused.
“Come on. You can’t be that bad.”
“Yeh, I can. And I am.”
“Ah, come on. Look, I’ll teach you a song.” He said. After a moment of considering, I replied.
“Fine.”
Jason smiled, and handed the guitar to me.
“What song do you want to learn?”
“What songs do you know?” I could feel my flirtatious self taking over again, just like when I winked at him in the pool. Not that I needed to flirt. He was doing all the work himself.
“I’m yours.” He said softly, and moved closer to me. He’d said it like he actually meant it. I was surprised beyond comprehension.
“What?” I managed to choke out.
“I’m Yours.” He repeated. “You know, that song by Jason Mraz? I can play it on guitar.
“Oh. Right.”
“Wanna learn it? He prompted.
“Yeh, why not.” I replied once I had pulled myself together.
After 2 hours of him trying to teach me how to play I’m Yours, I finally got it. I kept practising over and over again, and he’d just watch me. Over and over again. I’d finished playing the song for about the 20th time, and was about to start again, when Jason put his hand on top of mine. He eased the guitar out of my grip, then held my hand again.
I was pretty close to hyperventilating. The guy of my dreams was in my house, sitting on my bed, holding my hand. Jason took a deep breath, then started telling me something that I’d been yearning to hear for nearly four years.
“You know, I’m pretty embarrassed to say this, but I’ve had a crush on you for as long as I can remember.”
I couldn’t move at all. Jason just sat there, looking into my eyes for what seemed like a lifetime.
“I should go soon.” He whispered.
“Do you have to?” I replied. He chuckled.
“Yeh. Are you going to the dance tomorrow?” He asked.
“Taking dating tips off Chloe, are you?” I jokingly accused. Jason blushed, then looked down at his lap. I smiled.
“Haha. No. I’m just… not very good at asking people out.” He admitted. I was so shocked.
“You’re… asking me out?”
“Yeh, I guess I am.” He then looked up at me again, and held my gaze. I couldn’t help my jaw dropping open. Hurt flashed across Jason’s face. “But if you don’t want to… you know, it’s cool. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. You prob-” He rambled.
“No, no, no. I’d love to.” I replied with a smile. He smiled back.
“Slight problem though.”
“What?”
“I don’t know if my mum will let me.”
“Can you ask?” He pleaded. I nodded, and called my mum in.
“Yes?” She asked me.
“Umm… can I go to the dance?” I replied hopefully.
“When is it?”
“Tomorrow night.”
“What?! No!”
“But mum… I’m fine. Please!”
“I’m sorry, but no. What if something happens to you?” She said worriedly.
“I’ll take good care of her, Mrs. Baker.” Jason assured her, taking my hand again.
“Do you promise?” Mum asked. Jason nodded. Mum sighed, and gave in.
“Fine, then. You can go.”
“Yay! Thanks mum!” I squealed. I jumped up and hugged her.
“Now, Jason, do you need a lift home?” Mum asked.
“If you don’t mind…”
“Of course I don’t mind. I’ll be out in the car.” Mum said as she left the room.
“I brought you a form. If you get your mum to sign it, I can buy you a ticket tomorrow.” Jason told me.
“How much are they?” I asked him.
“Nup. This one’s on me.”
“No way!!”
“Yes way.” He insisted. I glared at him, then gave in. I must have gotten this off my mother.
“Fine. But just this once.” Jason grinned with satisfaction. He handed me the form.

On the way back to Jason’s house, it was awkwardly silent. Mum picked up on this. I think she thought she was making it better.
“So how long have you kiddies been… you know, together?” She asked. I put my head in my hands. Oh God. Jason was trying not to laugh. I looked up at him, and we both burst out laughing. That broke the ice a little bit. We started talking about all kinds of stuff. Music, movies, books, school, and even cars in the end. When we finally got to his house, he told me that he would see me tomorrow at the dance.

When I got to school on friday, my friends were getting their names marked off. I walked over to my house table, got my name marked off and went over to greet them.
“Hey.” I said.
“Hey.” Gen replied.
We entered the gym, and waited around for the music to start.
For the first hour, I danced and jumped around with my friends. This was to be expected. For every dance I had ever been to, no girls got asked to dance for at least an hour.
An hour and 20 minutes had passed. There were a few couples dancing around the edge of the gym, but not many. I hadn’t seen Jason all night. Then I saw him. He was wearing a yellow t-shirt and black shorts. He caught my eye and smiled, but he didn’t approach me, so I continued to dance with my friends.
Jason caught my eye again, about 10 minutes later. He started to walk towards me, but he stopped halfway. I guessed that I was supposed to walk the other half, so I did. When I reached him, he held out his hand to me.
“Dance with me?” He asked. I smiled, and nodded once. Then he led me out onto the dance floor, and put his arms around my waist. I returned the favour by putting my arms around his neck and we started dancing.
He danced with me for a long time. A lot of the time, he was just staring into my eyes. It was almost as if he was searching for something.
It was about 8:30, and we only had an hour left. I didn’t want it to end. The song ‘Hey Boys and Girls’ by Evermore came on, and Jason looked into my eyes. Again. I got the vibe that he was too nervous to do anything more, so I started to lean in towards him. He got my drift, leant down until he reached my lips. We only kissed for a second, and then he pulled away. He looked at me as his face went cold.
“You won the bet. Congratulations. Glad I could help.” Then Jason let go of me and started to walk away from me. Shock took hold of me, but I had to chase after him. I had to make this right. I grabbed Jason’s hand to try and stop him from walking any further, but he just shook me off and walked faster. He walked out the doors, and I shouted at him to turn around. Reluctantly, he did.
“Jason… I… I’m so sorry!”
“Why would you do that?” He didn’t sound hurt at all, but I could tell that he was. His voice was so cold.
“The bet… it was nothing! Jason, I’ve had a crush on you since year seven. The bet was just an excuse to get to you.”
“Why the hell would you need one?” He was getting angry now.
“I know that it was all handled badly. But I was nervous, and you… you didn’t even know that I existed!”
“That’s *beep*! I’ve known who you are since year seven!”
“Well, sorry, but that’s the impression I got, since you never talk to me.”
“Why should I be the one to start conversation?”
“Well why shouldn’t you be?” I was starting to get a little angry myself, and I was on the verge of tears. But I still felt so guilty. Through the hard, stone mask that covered his face, I saw that he was hurt by the feeling of being played. Then I saw something else. Guilt. And regret. But why?
Then something hit me.
“You bastard.” I could feel the tears swelling in my eyes. The
coldness vanished from Jason’s face. And I could see that he was hurt by my words, but I didn’t stop. “All this time… you… you were just pretending. All that crap about you liking me… that was all just a big ‘build-up’ to this, wasn’t it? This is your glory moment. Well I hope that it all went according to plan” I said with shock realization.
“You shouldn’t have made that bet.” He reminded me. I blew up at him.
“Well you know what? I didn’t even make that bet.”
“W… what?”
“Yeah, that’s right. Bella made it on my behalf. But don’t even blame it on her. She was just trying to get Chloe off my back. So sorry if it got a bit out of hand, but there was no way in the world that I ever meant to hurt you. Ever.” By this point, I was crying. I was so pissed off and hurt. I ran through the Gym, so that I could just grab my handbag and go home. I was nearly at the doors of the cloak room when I felt someone grab me and pull me back. I turned around to see Mr. Lombardi with a very concerned expression on his face.
“Bec? What’s wrong?” He asked me. I just shook my head.
“N… nothing. I have to leave.” I told him. I knew that he’d say no. We weren’t allowed to leave by ourselves.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah. You can leave if you really want to.”
“Really?”
“Really. As long as you tell me what’s wrong.”
“I…”
“It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone. And you don’t have to tell me now. You can tell me in our conversation on Monday.”
“Do I have to?”
“Look, Bec, I just want to know that you’re okay. And clearly you’re not, because you’re crying.”
I didn’t say anything. He was right. Mr. Lombardi walked me to the edge of school.
“Now, are you sure that you’re okay?” He asked. I nodded. “Okay. Off you go.”
I was in shock. I hadn’t realized how nice he was. But I was dreading the moment when I had to tell him everything. What was I going to do??

CHAPTER 5
I was so pissed off at Jason. No. More than that. I was more hurt than I had ever been. I couldn’t believe that he could be such an *beep* to me. I was walking to tutor group on Monday, and Zoe greeted me when I got there.
“Hey. What happened to you on Friday? You just disappeared.” She said.
“Yeh… umm… I’ll tell you all at recess.” I told her. She looked confused, but nodded anyway. At recess, I told them everything.
I had decided to lie to Mr. Lombardi. Sure he was nice and everything, but I didn’t want him knowing all the details of my personal life. I figured that I’d tell him that I got trampled on, or something along those lines. Not exactly genius, but hopefully it would do.
I walked into the seminar room in the library, where Ben was finishing his conversation. When he walked out, I went in and sat on the chair next to Mr. Lombardi.
“How are you today?” He asked me.
“I’m fine.” I replied. He nodded, and then looked at me with those gorgeous eyes. “Look, I-”
“You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to.” He said. I sighed with relief. I was so lucky to have such a nice tutor. It was awkwardly silent. “But I’m always here if you want to talk.” He added. I don’t know what came over me, just I suddenly spilled.
“Jason McManus… well, it’s a long story…” I started. Before I knew it, I was pouring my heart out to him. And I didn’t even know why. Our conversation ended up going for forty minutes. I don’t know why, but I felt so much better at the end. He thanked me for telling him.
At lunch, Chloe tried to talk to Jason, but he just ignored her. At least one good thing came out of this whole ordeal. Chloe finally got what she deserved.
Jason was not only in my Drama class, but he was also in my English class. He sat next to me when he came in. I groaned and turned my back to him to face Georgia. During the 55 minutes of the lesson, he passed me a note. I put it in my diary, but didn’t read it until later, when I was at home. It read:

It was $15

I couldn’t believe it. He was such a jerk. I was so angry. I got out $15 from my wallet, and wrote a note in reply to his.

You’re a jerk. I hate you. Leave me alone.

I put both the money and the note in an envelope, and put it in his locker the next morning.

Two weeks had passed. I hadn’t had anything to do with Jason. I didn’t want to. And it seemed as though he didn’t want anything to do with me, either. That was until a note from him dropped out of my locker at the beginning of lunch on a Wednesday. It read:

Becca,
I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I was such a jerk, and I hate myself for hurting you. Yeh, I was angry that the bet was made, but I shouldn’t have acted as immaturely as I did. I know that it was wrong to lie to you. It wasn’t all lies, though. I have had a crush on you since year 7. That wasn’t a lie. I promise. And it is still true. I still like you.
When you told me that you’d liked me since year 7, it broke my heart that I treated you like that. It broke my heart to think that I’d broken yours.
I’m hoping and praying that you can find it in you to give me a second chance. Even if you can’t, at least come to my spot at lunch and hear what I have to say. I would be eternally grateful if you would.
Jason.

Then there were a list of directions on how to get to ‘his spot’. No matter how much I hated him, it made me smile to think that he would go to so much effort just to speak to me. That he would spill his heart out to me in a letter that, technically, anyone could read.
I followed his directions until I reached a small patch of grass that backed onto the cement building that I’d just come out of. I was surrounded by tall trees and pink and yellow wildflowers, while the grass was a lush green colour. It was the most beautiful patch of land I’d ever seen. Jason was standing at the edge, staring into the trees, with his back facing me. I guessed that he didn’t know I was here, so I cleared my throat to inform him of my presence. He turned around suddenly and smiled at me.
“Hey! You’re here!” He said enthusiastically.
“Yep.” I replied.
“Hmm… okay, well… I kind of already said everything in the note. It was all true, by the way.”
I didn’t say anything in response. I just looked at him. I felt really vulnerable, and I think that he knew that. He looked at me with a you-know-you-want-me kind of expression. It was so hot. God, he was irresistible. As soon as I looked at him, I forgot about all the reasons I had worked up in my head not to give in to him.
He started to approach me ever so slowly. It was excruciating. It was as if he was giving me time to consider what I was going to do when he finally reached me. I didn’t need to consider anything. As soon as he reached me, he took both of my hands and pressed his lips against mine once.
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. I owed it to myself to stay strong; to protect myself from his convincing kiss. I closed my eyes to shield myself from his.
Jason let go of my hands.
“Forgive me.” He breathed in my ear. I surrendered, and opened my eyes. He was smiling at me. His smile was so powerful, that I couldn’t help but smile back. He stared into my eyes, and slowly wound his arms around my waist, leaning in towards me just as slowly. Once again, it was excruciating. I threw myself at him, kissing him passionately, and throwing my arms around his neck. I pulled him so close to my chest that I was surprised that either of us could actually breathe.
After a long moment, we stopped kissing.
“I knew you wanted me.” Jason said in a smug tone. I tried to hide my smile.
We sat down on the grass.
“Why exactly did Tristan tell you about the bet?” I asked him.
“What? It wasn’t Tristan who told me about the bet.” He replied, confused.
“Who told you about it then?” I was confused. Surely Bella wouldn’t have told him.
“Chloe.”
My eyes narrowed. I should’ve known. She was probably scared that I would win, so she was sabotaging my chances.
“Then what was Tristan talking to you about?” Jason laughed at my question.
“Well, he was talking to me out of jealousy. He came to tell me that you were crazy about me.”
I flushed a deep red. Then something hit me.
“Jealousy?”
“Yeah…”
“Tristan was jealous? Why?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” I shook my head, and he sighed. “Because you liked me and not him. He had a crush on you.”
My mouth dropped open. Tristan had a crush on me?
“Why are you so surprised?” Jason asked.
“Well why wouldn’t I be?”
“You shouldn’t be. Of course he’d have a crush on you. You’re gorgeous.” My face went darker, and I couldn’t help but to smile.
When the bell went, he took my hand as we walked to our next class.
I agreed to take Jason back not only because he seemed genuinely apologetic, but I had a deep feeling in the bit of my stomach that I would regret it if I didn’t. Although I wasn’t really ‘taking him back’. I never really had him in the first place.

Jason had asked me out on a date, and of course I’d said yes. We’d agreed to see a movie, but he wouldn’t let me in on which one it was.
When I saw him standing by the fountain at the shops, my heart skipped a beat. I couldn’t believe that I was actually on a date with Jason. Jason, who I’d been crushing on for years.
He grinned when he saw me, making me catch my breath. We walked into the movies, and he bought tickets to a really, really scary movie. I cringed – I was horrible in these movies. The slightest movement would get me hiding behind the seat in front of me. The only thing keeping me from running away was the knowledge that Jason was going to be there.
Jason led me into the cinema, and sat in a seat in the middle of the cinema, and I sat next to him.
As soon as the movie started, I knew just how bad it was going to be. It started with the image of someone being murdered.
By about a quarter of the way through the movie, my knees were pulled up to my chest, with my head buried in my hand.
I sneaked a look at the screen, just to see someone being stabbed. I instinctively reached out and grabbed Jason’s hand. He looked at me, trying not to laugh, with his eyebrows slightly raised. I smiled sheepishly.
“Sorry.” I whispered, then looked back at the screen. He slowly drew his hand back from mine, and my heart sank. I didn’t understand. We’d already kissed. Twice. So why did it matter if I held his hand? Puzzled and disappointed, I kept questioning myself for a brief moment until I felt his arm around my shoulders. I looked over at him to see him subtly put up the arm rest between us, and then pull me closer to him.
I snuggled into his chest – I could hear screams coming from a girl in the movie – and nothing had ever felt more natural.
At the end of the movie, Jason stood up, and kept his arm over my shoulders as we walked out of the cinema. All throughout dinner afterwards, I couldn’t stop smiling. And neither could he, or so it seemed.

A couple of days later, Jason and I were walking through the quad with our arms around each other. Mr. Lombardi walked past us, and a disapproving expression came upon his face.
“What’s his problem?” Jason asked me quietly.
“I… uh… who knows?” I replied, not wanting him to know that my tutor – who happened to be extremely hot – knew everything about us. Life was amazing right now, and there was no way in the world that I was going to ruin that.

What used to be Jason's spot was now our spot. We spent the majority of our lunchtimes there, and the rest we either spent with his group or mine. No matter where we were, we were always together.
It was a couple of weeks later, on a Friday, and me and Jason were sitting with my group at lunch.
We were just talking, as per usual, when I noticed that Bella was staring and smiling at Aden. I thought that she had a crush on him, so I whispered something in Jason's ear. He nodded.
"Hey, Aden!!" Jason called out over his shoulder. Aden looked over at us, and Jason gestured for him to come over to where we were sitting.
"Aden, this is Bella. Bella, Aden." He said. Bella jumped up and ran over to Aden. Then she threw herself at him, and started kissing him. He kissed her back, and they started fully making out, right in front of us. After a while, they stopped, and just gazed into each others eyes. They seemed to be unaware that every single person in the quad was watching them.
My jaw was on the ground. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Aden and Bella held hands and came to sit with us.
“ Umm... what was that?" Mel asked.
“ Ha... yeh... we kind of have something to tell you." Bella replied.
Aden took a deep breath.
"We've been dating for a year." He explained. The whole quad went quite. You could've heard a pin drop.
"What?" Jason asked, nearly choking on his food. I was just as shocked as he was. "You didn't tell us this because..."
"We decided it was better to wait." Bella said.
"Yeh. I wanted to wait for Jason to finally get his act together and ask you out," Aden said, turning to me. "He wasn't lying, you know. He hasn't stopped going on about you since year 7. It actually got very annoying. Jason has been wanting to kiss you since he first saw you."
I flushed, and turned around to face Jason. His face was red, too. I kissed him once, and then turned back around to face Aden and Bella. Jason wrapped his arms around my waist.
Aden and Bella spent the rest of lunchtime telling us about how they met and how they kept it a secret all this time.
At the end of lunch, I was still in shock. I couldn't believe that Bella had been going out with Aden. He, apart from Jason (in my opinion), was really, really hot; one of the hottest guys in the school. He was also one of the nicest. But then again, it didn't surprise me. Bella deserved only the best.

I got a text from Jason on late Saturday morning, asking me to go over to his house for a swim. I got to his house at about 11:30.
We went in the pool and were just swimming and mucking around, until he cornered me in the shallow end. He put his arms on either side of me so that I couldn't get away from me. I tried, unsuccessfully, to squirm out of his grip.
"Are you trying to get away from me?" He asked, offended. I smiled and nodded. He stepped closer to me. "Well that's not very good, is it?" I closed the gap between us and put my arms around his neck.
"And why isn't that good?" I asked.
"Because otherwise I wouldn't be able to do stuff like this..." He leaned in towards me. I thought that he was going to kiss me, but instead he quickly loosened himself from my grip and swam away laughing. I tried to chase after him, but he was super fast. Whenever I got to his end of the pool, he'd just swim to the other end.
I stood in the shallow end, and crossed my arms and pouted. I was pretending to be angry at him, but we both knew that it was all just a game.
"Aw, baby, don't be upset." He said, coming back towards me. He tried to force my pout into a smile with his fingers, and I couldn't help but to laugh. He hugged me, then pushed my hair behind my ears.
"I really like you, Becca." He told me softly. I smiled at him.
"I really like you, too." I replied. Then he held my face in his hands and kissed me.
I was so happy. There was no place I'd rather be than in the safe and secure arms of Jason.

CHAPTER 6
Ever since our one-month anniversary a couple of days ago, Jason had been acting weird for nearly a week. It was almost as if he wanted to tell me something, but couldn't. Of course I assumed the worst straight away.
At recess I decided to confront him. I wanted to know if he was leaving me. Although the pain of him leaving me seemed eternal, the pain of not knowing was worse.
When I saw him, I got straight to the point.
"Please don't leave me." I whispered. Tears were forming in my eyes. I knew that I sounded pathetic, but I didn’t care.
"What? I'm not leaving you, Becca!" He replied, horrified.
"Then what's wrong with you? Why have you been acting so weird?"
Jason sighed.
"Well, the truth is that I've been trying to tell you something... and it's not that easy to say."
I stayed silent. I still had a million bad thoughts running through my mind.
"Becca... I... I..." Then he took a deep breath and continued. "Becca, I love you. More than anything in the world. I've never felt this way about anyone before."
I breathed a big sigh of relief, and then I hugged him. I squeezed him so tight.
"I love you so much, Jason." I whispered into his ear.

On Friday, Jason didn't come to meet me at my locker before lunch. That was unusual. I went straight to our spot, and sure enough, he was there. But he didn't look happy. I kept my mouth shut in the fear that whatever I would say would just make matters worse.
"Mr. Lombardi came to see me today." He said casually. "Told me not to hurt you again."
Oh no.
Jason walked over to me and held my face in his hands.
"Becca, you know I love you, but I need to be able to trust you. You can't go running off to Mr. Lombardi after every argument."
I just nodded, and he kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him, never wanting to let go.

After weeks of begging and being the best daughter I could be, my parents had finally agreed to let me stay the night at Jason's house. My dad still didn't want me to go, but my mum completely trusted me. I didn't know why. I didn't even trust myself when I was with Jason.

It was 10.00pm. Jason and I were lying side by side on his bed in the dark, listening to music, and it was quite hot. I was wearing a singlet top and shorts, and he was wearing a t-shirt and shorts.
“God, it’s hot.” He said, and he sat up and took his shirt off. In the dim moonlight, I could just see him.
“It is now.” I replied quietly. He smiled, and lay back down next to me. I sat up, and took my shirt off, so all I was wearing was my bra. I lay back down next to him. He just stared at me.
“Is this a problem?” I asked him teasingly.
“Oh. It’s a big problem.” He replied, grinning, and leant over, pressing his lips to my neck. After a while, He lifted himself off me, and stared into my eyes.
“Are you scared?” He asked me. I stared back into his eyes, searching for a reason to be scared, but I couldn’t find any. Instead I saw kindness, warmth, and most of all, love. I shook my head, but it didn’t seem to convince him, because he stayed where he was. I put my hand on the side of his face.
“I love you. And I completely trust you.” I said softly.
“I love you, too.” He replied, smiling. Then he kissed my lips.
After a while, I was fully underneath him. It didn’t matter that the weight of him was pushing me into the bed. It didn’t matter that we were both uncertain how to do this. All that mattered was that I was with Jason. We took the rest of our clothes off, and I rolled on top of him. He gently pushed me off him, and stood up.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, concerned. He just smiled, and walked towards the door. Then he turned the lock on the door, and returned to the side of the bed.
“Can’t have my mum walking in on us, now can we?” He replied.
“I thought they were out.” I started to panic a bit.
“They are. But I don’t know what time they are coming home. Probably after midnight, but I wanted to be on the safe side.” He reassured me.
“That’s good to know.” With that, I pulled him back onto the bed and into my arms.

I woke up to the warm sunlight, in Jason’s arms. I looked up at Jason, who wasn’t awake yet. I smiled, remembering last night. It was by far the best night of my life. I looked over at his alarm clock. It was 9:30am. I had to be home by 3:00pm, so I had plenty of time.
Jason didn’t wake up for half an hour, but it didn’t matter. I was happier and more content lying in his arms as I would have been anywhere else. When he finally woke up, he kissed the top of my head, and held me closely to his chest.
“Good morning, gorgeous.” He said to me. We lay there, in silence, for half an hour, when we decided that it was time to get up.
“I’m going to have a shower.” I said to him, and started to walk towards the bathroom. Jason just stood there awkwardly. He seemed to be contemplating whether or not that was an invitation. I smiled, walked back to him and dragged him along. I took both his hands and wrapped them around my waist as we made our way to the bathroom. After our shower, we got dressed and went downstairs to the kitchen.
“Where are your mum and dad?” I asked him curiously.
“They texted me last night after you fell asleep, to tell me that they decided to stay in the City for the night.”
“Cool. More time to ourselves, then.” I said, and walked over to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and he leaned down and kissed me.
Even though I’d had plenty of him last night, I still wanted him so badly right now. I pulled him down to my level, and kissed him hungrily. We kissed passionately for a while, and he ended up lifting me off the ground and just holding me against him for the remainder of our kiss. It seemed to last forever.
“What time do you have to be at home?” He asked me after a while.
“3.” I replied.
“Good. I’ve got you for four more hours, then.” He smiled, and I smiled back.
We had breakfast, and then we watched a movie, although we weren’t really watching. Neither of us could concentrate on the television. All I could think about was Jason. I’m sure that it was the same for him. Jason’s mum and dad came home at about 2, and offered me a lift home.
“Umm, no, I should be ok. I think I’ll walk.” I told them. Jason looked at me.
“But it’s so hot.” I nudged him, and he finally caught up. “Oh yeh. We’ll walk.”
I smiled, and snuggled into his chest. I was the happiest girl in the world.
“But Jason, don’t you have homework to do?” Jason’s dad asked.
“Yeh, but I was thinking that I’d do it at Becca’s. She has the same homework as me.” Jason replied.
Jason’s dad sighed. “Alright then, but just this once.”
On our way home, Jason and I were walking hand in hand the whole time.

As soon as we got home, I put on my cardigan. It was surprisingly cold, considering how hot it had been last night. I was sitting on the edge of my bed when Jason came and sat next to me.
He sat next to me, and started kissing me and unbuttoning my cardigan. I pushed his hand away, and he obviously didn’t get it, because he looked at me confusingly.
“It’s cold.” I complained. He grinned and lifted me onto his lap. He curled me into a ball against his muscular chest. Then he slid his hand up the arm of my cardigan and started rubbing my arm to keep me warm. I smiled, and snuggled into his chest.
I realised suddenly how tired I actually was.
I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up, still in Jason’s arms, and it was getting dark outside.
“What time is it?” I mumbled.
“6:30.” Jason replied.
“Six-thirty? Oh my god! I’m so sorry, Jason.”
“Hey, hey, it’s fine. There’s no where I’d rather be.” He smiled warmly at me. I smiled back, then kissed him once.
Then I picked up his hand and played with his fingers.
“Why?” I asked curiously.
“Why? What?”
“Yeh, why? Wouldn’t you rather be hanging out with you friends or something?”
“Of course I wouldn’t. I’m not in love with my friends, am I?”
I had to laugh at that.
“But why do you love me? Why not someone else?”
“Why do I love you? Because you’re amazing, that’s why. Because you’re so cute. Because you’re selfless and kind and caring. Because you love me.”
I smiled.
“I love you so much.” I said, and then started kissing him again. We kissed for ages.
“Are we…” Jason asked. I knew what he meant. I stood up.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Then I winked at him and started to walk away.
I felt something yank me back onto the bed so that I was lying on my back. Then Jason was on top of me. He launched into kissing me again, and attempted to take off my cardigan for the second time.
And I didn’t try to stop him.
After only a minute, I was completely topless and so was he.
And then I heard it.
My parents arrived home. Without thinking, I swore loudly and quickly put my clothes back on. Jason did the same. By the time my parents came into my room, Jason and I were sitting on the floor against my bed, listening to my iPod. We tried to hide the fact that we were puffed from trying to hide what we were just doing.
“Hi, kids.” My mum greeted us cheerfully. My dad just left the room. He hated the idea of me having a boyfriend.
“Hey, mum.” I said.
“Hi, Mrs. Green.” Jason said politely.
“Oh, please call me Louise.” My mum practically begged him. “So what are you kids up to?”
“Umm…” My mind went blank.
“Just listening to music.” Jason said.
“What are you listening to?” Mum asked. This was getting a bit suss. Jason looked at my iPod to see what we were listening to. Then he burst out laughing.
“The Backstreet Boys.” He replied, still laughing.
“Oh… that’s… nice.”
Then mum finally left. Jason was still laughing.
“Why on earth do you have the Backstreet Boys on your iPod?”
“I dunno… Nice save, by the way.”
“Thanks.”

Jason ended up staying for dinner. At 9:00, we were watching TV when he announced that he should probably go home. A wave of disappointment washed over me as he grabbed his school books out of my room.
“Do you really have to go?” I asked him, pain coating my voice. He smiled sympathetically and held my face in his big hands.
“You know, you’ll be seeing me in less than 12 hours.” He said softly. Great. 12 hours.
“I miss you already.” I whispered. I knew how pathetic I must have sounded, but I couldn’t help it.
“I miss you more.” He replied, and then smiled. He kissed me for a long time, but it still wasn’t enough. I had to savour the moment while I could.
When he finally left, I was actually kind of relieved. I realised that I was getting kind of clingy, and plus, it was good to have some time to think about what a big step we had taken over the weekend.
There was nothing to regret, nothing that I wished I hadn’t done. I loved and trusted Jason more than ever.

CHAPTER 7
The week had gone by super-quickly. It was Friday before I knew it. I was sitting at home, watching TV, when I heard a knock on my door. I knew that it wasn’t Jason, because he had swimming training.
It was Aden.
“Oh, hi, Aden.” I greeted, wondering what he could possibly want.
“Hey, Becca. Can I come in?” He asked.
“Umm, sure.”
He came in and sat on the couch. I sat down as well, and turned the TV off.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“Yeh? About what?”
“Jason.”
“Oh?”
“Yeh.” There was a long silence before he continued. “He loves you. So much. Whenever I get to see him, he’s always talking about how much he loves you. I just wanted to tell you that and ask you a favour.”
“Sure…”
“Can you promise me something?”
“Sure…”
“Can you promise me that you won’t break his heart? No matter what he goes through, can you promise to always be there for him? No matter what happens?”
“Aden, of course I’ll always be there for Jason. What’s going on?”
Aden took a deep breath and stood up.
“Come for a walk with me?”
“Ok…”
This was strange. A little too strange.
We walked to the school oval, where he walked to the middle and sat down cross legged. He pulled two envelopes out of his pocket, and gave them to me. One of them was addressed to Bella, the other to Jason.
“What’s going on?” I asked him again. This was really sus.
“Just promise me that you’ll always be there for Jason.”
“I promise.”
“Forgive me.” He whispered, and then stood up and walked about 10 meters away from me and sat down again.
“Aden?” I asked.
He ignored me, and then I saw it. He pulled something small and black out of his pocket, and pointed it to his head.
“NO!!!!” I screamed, and ran over to stop him.
But I was too late. He pulled the trigger on the gun he was holding, and by the time I got to him, he was already dead.
I screamed and slumped over his body, sobbing uncontrollably.

I had to talk to Jason. I had to. I knew that he was grieving and that he probably wouldn't want to talk to me right now, but I had promised Aden that I wouldn't give up on Jason. And I wouldn't let him give up, either.
It was Aden's funeral today at 11:00am. Jason's parents were sobbing. I had also noticed that Gen was holding onto Tristan's arm. I hadn't realized that they were going out. Bella was worse though. She was so depressed, I was wondering what was keeping her alive. But it was Jason that worried me. He was withdrawn. He wouldn't let me go near him, let alone touch him. He wasn't crying or showing any emotion, but I knew that he was dying inside.

After the funeral, I went back to Jason's house to talk to him. As soon as I got there, he walked silently into his room and sat on the ground without acknowledging me. He tossed a piece of paper towards me, and told me to read it. I looked at it and automatically recognized Aden's handwriting.
“Read it.” He ordered.
"Jason... I couldn't. It's private." I protested.
“I told you to read it." He hissed back at me. I nodded, and picked it up.

Jason,
Please, please don't blame anyone for this. It is no-one's fault. Especially not yours. You need to understand that there was a lot going on for me, and it all just got a bit much. This is no-one's fault.
I am so happy that you are happy. That you've been lucky enough to meet the love of your life. Don't push Bec away. You're so lucky to have her, but she's even luckier to have you. Please, I'm begging you, please don't break up with Becca over me. You know that she loves you more than anything, and that she would do anything for you.
I know that you'll be OK eventually. Even if you do lose your way for a bit, I know that you'll figure it out. You have to figure it out.
If there's one thing you can do, please do not give in. Please, please, please do not commit suicide. I'm not a good enough reason for you to end your life.
Remember. THIS IS NO-ONE'S FAULT.
Especially yours. You were the best friend that I could ever have. Thank-you so much for being there.
I'm so sorry.
Aden.

I was in tears when I finished. I looked to Jason, who was glaring at me. I tried to put my hand on his arm, but he flinched away.
"It's my fault." He declared.
"No, it's not. Aden said that it wasn't."
"He's lying. He was just being polite. If I hadn't been spending so much time with you, then I would've been able to help him. He wouldn't be dead right now."
His words wounded me beyond belief. I felt like I had been stabbed in the chest several times, and then my heart had been ripped out. Like the life had been sucked right out of me.
I silently stood up and left his house.
It felt as if I was leaving his house forever.

After spending a dark week in my room grieving both Aden’s death and my loss of Jason, I decided to go back to school. I needed to see Jason. I knew that what he was doing was purely out of grief, and that he didn’t mean it. I needed to talk him out of it, to keep my promise to Aden.
As soon as I got to school early Monday morning, I soon picked up the eerie vibe that was clouding the school’s atmosphere. Everyone was grieving Aden’s death. Aden teased no-one; he was a friend to everyone. I had also noticed by recess that Jason wasn’t at school. It was completely understandable. Bella wasn’t there as well. I hadn’t even thought to go see her. My thoughts had been so clouded by Jason and Aden that I hadn’t even thought about how this would be affecting her. It would be affecting her the worst.
Aden was her life. She was so in love with him, and I knew that this would be killing her. I had to see her after school. Then I would go talk to Jason.

When I got to Bella’s house, her Mum welcomed me in without hesitation. She told me that Bella really needed a friend right now, and that I was her first visitor. That was weird. Surely someone else would have come to check up on her??
I walked into her room, and it was nearly pitch black. I opened the door wide enough so that the light would lead me to where she was.
Bella was curled up on her bed, with her head in her hands. I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her.
She crumpled in my arms and put her head into my shoulder, sobbing.
“You okay?” I asked. It felt like a stupid question. Of course she wasn’t okay. But I really didn’t know what else to say.
Bella shook her head and then looked up at me.
“He said that I was the one thing keeping him alive. In the letter, that is.” She told me, and I thought that I saw a ghost of a smile on her face.
I hugged her tighter.
“He also said that he loved me more than anything. I never even got a chance to say goodbye.” She said, and then started sobbing again.
“Hey, shh. Aden knew how much you loved him.” I tried to convince her. Bella nodded, her head back on my shoulder.
“Thank-you.” She said in a whisper.
“It’s okay. I’ll always be here for you.”
She hugged me tighter, and we just sat there for ages.
“How’s Jason?” She asked after a long time.
I tried to hold back my tears, but I couldn’t stop my bottom lip from trembling.
“Not coping. He thinks it was his fault.”
“Is he talking to you?”
“No.” I whispered.
“Poor you. I’m s-“
“Shh. Don’t you worry about me. I’m fine.”
“No you’re not. Look, Jason’s going to wake up from this, and he’s going to come back to you. You’ll see.”
For the tiniest moment, I felt the smallest amount of hope that this would all work out.
I couldn’t leave Bella. I ended up staying with her for a few hours, trying to distract her as much as possible by talking about insignificant gossip, plot lines of soapies, the guys of Gossip Girl and a movie that I want to see.
I didn’t leave until 8:30 when Bella practically pushed me out of the door, and thanked me for making her feel better. When I got home, my parents told me how worried they were and asked me where I had been.
“I was at Bella’s.” That should’ve been explanation enough. But Dad didn’t stop there.
“Bec, sweetie, you have to tell us where you are. We were so worried that… that…”
“THAT WHAT? THAT I WOULD DO TO YOU GUYS WHAT ADEN TO HIS PARENTS? THAT I WOULD DO TO MY FRIENDS WHAT ADEN DID TO ALL OF US? THAT I WOULD DO TO JASON WHAT ADEN DID TO BELLA?” I shouted at them, and, for the first time since Aden shot himself, I felt angry at him for leaving us all here, by ourselves.
I ran into my room and slammed the door behind me, throwing myself onto my bed.
Mum was next to me in a flash, comforting me in a way that always worked.
“Honey, we know that you wouldn’t do that to yourself. But sometimes, someone is so overtaken by grief that they do things even they don’t understand.”
“Jason.” I whispered. “Mum, you need to take me to see Jason.”
“But sweetie, it’s quite late.”
“Mum, I need to go see him now, before he does anything stupid.”
Mum immediately realized what I meant, and we were out the door and driving to Jason’s in less than a minute.
We didn’t get there for 20 minutes. I practically ran to the front door.
“Rebecca… hi. Look, I’m not sure if now’s a really great time. Jason isn’t really up to having visitors right now.” Jason’s dad told me.
“Please, Mr. McManus, it’s an emergency. I really need to see him.” I pleaded.
With a sigh, he let me in, and I went straight to Jason’s room.
Jason was sitting on his bed with a sharp knife in his hands. He was staring at it, with his eyes full of hatred. I could see that he had been cutting himself.
“Jason! Oh my god!” I said as I ran over to him. I took the knife out of his hands and threw it across the room. I held his arms out to examine them. He wasn’t flinching away, but he wasn’t responding either. I could tell that he was truly dead inside.
He let me clean his cuts and bandage them, but he never said a word to me nor looked at me.
“Jason, it doesn’t have to be like this.” I whispered.
“It’s over, Bec.” He replied. The harshness of his voice scared me.
“Jason, p-“
“It was nice knowing you.”
“Please don’t do this! Please!”
“You’re dead to me.” He declared, and before I knew it tears were streaming down my face. I kissed him on the cheek before walking out of his house.
Any hope that I may have felt before was gone in a second. This time I knew that I was leaving his house forever.

I was heartbroken. I was devastated. I was so hurt. As soon as I got into the car, mum could tell that it hadn’t gone well.
“Want to talk about it?” She offered kindly.
“Apparently, I’m dead to him.”
“Oh, sweetie. You know he doesn’t mean it, right? He loves you very much. You know that.”
“Yeh, well, not anymore. I’m pretty sure he blames me for Aden’s suicide. I mean, just because I was there doesn’t mean that-“
“Wait, what? What did you just say?”
I was confused.
“Jason blames me for Aden’s suicide.”
Mum shook her head.
“No, before that. You were there??”
“Of course I was there. Everyone knows that, mum. Don’t they?”
Mum shook her head again.
“No. Why didn’t you tell me?” Mum hugged me as she said this.
“I thought you already knew.” Something that I wasn’t expecting sunk in.
“Bella. Jason. MUM, THEY DON’T KNOW!!” I then turned to her for advice, because I knew that she wouldn’t lie to me. “Mum, do you think that it’s important that they know?”
Mum nodded, and I immediately felt sick to the stomach.
Jason first. I could deal with him being angry at me. But if Bella got angry at me, I wouldn’t have the strength to go on. Jason first.
I got my phone out and texted Jason

I was there.

He immediately texted back.

Come back. Now.

I don’t think that he had realized that I never left. I didn’t want to intrude on his home again, so I waited on the front lawn. Jason was out in a second.
“How were you there? Did you just STUMBLE across him?” Jason hissed.
“No. Aden came to my house.”
“What? Why?”
“Because he wanted me to promise him something.”
“What?”
“He wanted me to promise him that… that I would always be there for you. No matter what. That I would never give up on you.”
Jason didn’t say anything for ages. It seemed as if he was trying to process what I was saying. Then rage crossed his face.
“WHY DIDN’T YOU TRY AND STOP HIM!?!?” He shouted at me.
“I didn’t know what he was doing, Jason! I didn’t even know why he was at my house!”
“Right. So you’re saying that Aden just walked into your house, unannounced, and told you to be there for me? Well, Bec,” He said my name with hate, “That sounds very unlike him.”
“WELL, I’M SORRY, BUT SOMEONE ISN’T USUALLY HIMSELF WHEN HE’S ABOUT TO COMMIT SUICIDE!” I shouted at him, and immediately wished that I hadn’t.
All his withdrawal from me, from the world, vanished, and I could see how hurt he really was.
“I’m sorry. That was mean.” I whispered.
“Yeh, Bec, it was. But what else can I expect from you?”
I turned and started to walk towards my car. I had nothing more to say.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He whispered. His voice was so full of pain that I just wanted to run over to him and hug him, but I knew that I couldn’t.
“I thought you already knew.” I admitted honestly, then got in the car as he walked back into his house, and mum started driving away.
“Are you okay?” She asked me sympathetically.
“Yeh.” To my surprise, it was an honest answer.
“How are you going to tell Bella?”
“Face-to-face. There is no way that I’m telling her by text message. I’ll tell her tomorrow.” I said, realizing suddenly that it was nearly 10:30.

After a restless, sleepless night, I got up at 7:20am, ready to go to school, but mum wouldn’t let me.
“No. You look like a zombie. And plus, you’ve dealt with a lot in the past 24 hours. You need some time to rest.”
I had to agree with her. As usual. I was so tired.
I figured that Bella wouldn’t be at school either, so I went to her house at around lunchtime. Surely enough, she was there, and out of bed. It made me feel better that I helped her enough to get her walking again. But she was far from going back to school.
“Bella, I kind of need to tell you something.” I told her, ready to throw up.
“What’s up?” She replied cheerfully.
“Can we go outside?”
“Sure.”
She wasn’t getting sus at all. This was getting harder and harder.
“Bella… I need to tell you something.” I took a deep breath. “I was there.”
“Where?”
“I was with Aden when he…”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Bella, I honestly thought that you knew.”
Bella took a deep breath.
“How were you there?”
“Aden came to my house. Then he made me promise him that I would always be there for Jason. After that he asked to go for a walk. Then he gave me the letters – one for you and one for Jason – and shot himself in the head. I swear I didn’t know what he was doing. I would’ve stopped him if I did. I’m really sorry that I didn’t tell you before. It was only when my mum acted surprised when I casually brought it up in conversation that I figured out that no one knew.”
“So what did you do? Just leave his body there until someone found it?”
“What? No! Of course I didn’t! I called the police and stayed with him until they got there.”
“Then what?”
“And then I went home.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Bella, they said they’d inform everyone. I was so messed up; I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”
Bella took another deep breath, and started crying.
“I can’t deal with this right now!” She complained, and crouched down, putting her head in her hands.
I tried to put my arm around her, but she shook it off.
It was like Jason all over again.
“You should go.” Bella said to me plainly, not looking up.
“Bella, please don’t do this!”
I was crying now myself. I couldn’t face anymore rejection.
“Sorry, but you need to leave.”
So I left.
I could feel it. My whole life was falling apart.




Hey guys, can you please reply if you read this? I'd love to know what you think.
Luv Lyza

Sorry i haven't posted for a while, but nobody replied.
Oh, and, I changed the name to "Times Infinity"
you'll get why later.
xx



CHAPTER 8
It was Friday. And it was the last day of school before the holidays. Jason was back to sitting with his old group, and Bella hadn’t come back to school yet.
When I got to school, I saw Gen and Tristan fighting in the middle of the quad. I tried to avoid them, but I heard something that disturbed me.
“OF COURSE I’M NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH BEC!!” Tristan yelled. “I could only wish.” He mumbled afterwards.
My jaw dropped open. I walked over to them, my eyebrows raised and my hands on my hips.
“Did I just hear what I though I heard?” I asked.
“Yes, you did. Rebecca,” Gen said in a harsh voice, “Are you having an affair with Tristan?”
“WHAT? HOW COULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT?” I shouted.
“Because Tristan, I’ve recently found out, is in love with you, and you’ve been having ALL this trouble with Jason, so it makes perfect sense.”
“NO, IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!!! HOW CAN YOU EVEN CONSIDER ME TREATING YOU LIKE THAT? I DON’T EVEN LIKE TRISTAN!! I’M WITH JA- I used to be with Jason. BUT STILL, THAT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING! I can’t believe this. I am grieving the loss of Aden, the loss of my boyfriend and the loss of Bella, and now you throw this at me. How could you be so inconsiderate?? Just because you’re boyfriend… wait, what did you say?” I shouted, realizing now what she’d said earlier.
“Tristan is in love with you.”
I turned to Tristan, astonished.
“Is that true?”
Instead of answering, he kissed me. I quickly pushed him off me, jumping backwards.
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” I shouted, outraged.
“It’s true.” He replied to my earlier question.
“WHAT?” I coughed out.
I couldn’t believe this.
Could anything else go wrong in my life?
“Please give me a chance!” Tristan begged.
“What? NO WAY!”
“Why not?” He asked, offended.
“WHY NOT?!? OH, LET’S SEE. YOU JUST DATED MY BEST FRIEND. I JUST BROKE UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND. I DON’T EVEN LIKE YOU AT ALL. BUT MOST OF ALL, I AM GRIEVING. THERE IS NO WAY IN THE WORLD THAT I WILL DO ANYTHING ELSE STUPID WHILE I’M GRIEVING.” I was shouting so loud that I was sure the whole school could hear.
“You know what, Bec? I can’t even be around you right now.” Gen declared, and then walked away. Tristan also walked away, but in a different direction.
Apparently, it could.
In the space of two weeks, I had managed to push away nearly everyone who mattered to me. The only people I had left were the few friends that hadn’t abandoned me.

The holidays were absolute hell. Usually the holidays are fun, but not when you have no-one to talk to, and especially not when you are miserable like I was.
Ava and Mel came around occasionally and tried to cheer me up, but that didn’t help.
I spent most of my holidays just moping around the house, wondering where I went wrong.
How did I deserve this?

On the first day of term 2, I was meant to make a speech in front of the whole school on Future Problem Solving (FPS). I knew exactly what I was going to say. I wasn’t worried about this at all.
When my name was called out to go and talk to the school, I stood up and forced a smile onto my face and walked up to the microphone.
“Hey, everyone, I’m Bec and I’m here to talk to you all about FPS.”
That’s when I noticed Chloe and Jason sitting right in front of me. Great. More distractions.
I kept reading my speech, and Chloe kept making eye-contact with me, looking smug.
About half-way through my speech, Chloe looked at me, smiled smugly, and then leant over and kissed Jason.
Worse than that, he kissed her back.
He kissed her back.
I couldn’t believe it.
I couldn’t continue my speech. I ran – mid-sentence – away from the microphone.
I ran straight to the make-out spot, and dropped to the ground in a mixture of hyperventilation and tears, trying to grasp any bit of happiness that I had left.
I kept re-living the past, trying to figure out where I went wrong; what I did to deserve this.
The truth is I couldn’t find any. The only thing that I’ve done wrong is not tell Bella and Jason that I was there – but that didn’t count. I didn’t even know that they didn’t know.
But I must have done something wrong. No-one deserves all of this for nothing.
Or maybe I was destined to be miserable. If Jason was happy, then I wouldn’t care about being miserable. But he wasn’t happy. I knew that he wasn’t. Chloe was just taking advantage of him. I knew that he didn’t really want her.
That’s what I kept telling myself. That smallest hope that he might come back was the only thing that could get me to stand up and go to lunch with my friends – or what was left of them.
When I joined them, they asked me why I ran away. Obviously, they didn’t see what I saw.
“Chloe kissed Jason. He kissed her back… right in front of me.” I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my head in them as I said this. I felt an arm around me, and Ava’s voice in my ear.
“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t need him. You have us.” She said, and for a second, it made me feel the tiniest bit better. I had them. But then a small voice in the back of my head burst my bubble. Yeh, they’re all you have. There were tears staining my dress, but at least my friends couldn’t see them.
I looked up at my friends.
“Where’s Gen and Bella?” I asked. Then Liv pointed towards Chloe’s group, where Gen was sitting next to Chloe, and Bella was on her other side. They looked miserable.
What else could Chloe take from me?
My boyfriend, my best friend, and now Bella as well, were all on Chloe’s side. I started crying again and buried my head in my knees again.
“Becca? Are you okay?” I recognized Tristan’s voice.
“Just go away, Tristan.” I spat back at him.
“Why?” Tristan asked. God, he was getting on my nerves. I stood up and spun around to glare at him.
“Why? BECAUSE YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!” I shouted.
His face fell. I knew that I should’ve felt guilty, but I didn’t. It was half true. He didn’t ruin everything, only Gen leaving me.
But Gen meant everything to me. He didn’t have to tell her that he was in love with me. He could’ve just said that it wasn’t working out, or something like that.
I couldn’t take this anymore. I went back to the make-out spot, and opened my phone. There was a picture of Jason and me in happier times as my wallpaper. I looked at it through tears, and begun to wonder once again where I had gone wrong. I had gone from having the guy of my dreams, who was in love with me, to having nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
The only thing I had left were my friends. And I had to try and hold on to that.

I was sitting at home that afternoon on the couch when I heard a knock at the front door, but I didn’t feel like getting up, so I left it. Whoever it was could wait.
They knocked again. I sighed and yelled,
“It’s open.”
I heard the door open and footsteps come towards me, then Tristan came and knelt down in front of me on the floor.
“Tristan, just leave.” I said to him.
“Becca, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have handled things the way I did. I never meant to hurt you.” He said.
“Yeh, well, you did. You took Gen away from me, and she means the world to me.” I started crying as I said this. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.
Tristan gently wiped the tears away with his thumb and then held my face in his hands.
“Becca, I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me?” He whispered.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my head in them. The truth was that I couldn’t. But for some reason I didn’t want to tell him that.
Tristan got up and sat next to me, putting his arm around me. I was tempted to shake it off, but I didn’t.
“Becca, it kills me to see you like this. Can’t we at least be friends?” He asked, pulling me into him.
“Friends. That’s it.” I was trying to make it clear that I didn’t want anything more, but he didn’t seem to get it. He kissed my forehead. I quickly leaned away.
“Hey! Friends.” I repeated.
“Right. Sorry.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Are you okay?”
“Of course I’m not okay.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
No. Yes. I didn’t know. As much as I didn’t want to open up to Tristan, I felt as if I had to.
“I don’t know what happened. I was there when Aden… shot himself, and Bella left me over that. Jason blames me for Aden’s death. Gen blames me for losing you…” I was crying. He put his arm around me.
“Hey, shh. It’s okay. I’m here for you.” He insisted. I nodded, and leant into him.

As much as I hated to admit it, having a friend like Tristan in my ‘time of need’ made school that much easier. Even though Chloe was flaunting the fact that she had Jason, Gen and Bella in my face, Tristan usually made me steer clear of her. He was always there to convince me that none of this was my fault.
And I almost believed him.

It was a Monday, two weeks later, and things were pretty much the same. Gen, Jason and Bella were still all over Chloe and ignoring me, my friends were still my friends, and Tristan was still there for me.
He was becoming my new best friend. Replacing Gen.
Even though we had gotten close, I hadn’t even thought of showing him the make-out spot. That was somewhere that I held close to my heart, the one thing that I still had in common with Jason. I was hoping with all my might that he felt the same, and that he wouldn’t show it to Chloe.
Although I had not shown Tristan the make-out spot, we did have a place of our own. It wasn’t even close to being as beautiful as the make-out spot. In fact, it was pretty ugly. It was a small square of concrete that was surrounded by brick walls; and we had to jump a fence to get in, but it was still our spot. But it wasn’t anything like a make-out spot, in fact I hadn’t kissed Tristan since that first horrible day when he kissed me.
At lunchtime, we went to our spot. Tristan sat unusually close to me, but to my surprise, I didn’t mind.
“Becca…” Tristan started in a pleading voice. He stared straight into my eyes.
“Yes?”
“I want more.”
I was confused.
“Huh?”
Tristan sighed, and reached out to brush my cheek with the back of his hand.
“I want more. Of you.” He clarified.
“Tristan… I can’t…”
“Why not?”
I raked my brain for reasons not to give him more, but I couldn’t find any, so I went back to the reasons that I had provided on that very first day.
“You just… dated…”
Tristan shook his head.
“That was over a month ago.”
“I just broke up… with my…”
He shook his head again.
“No, you didn’t.”
“I’m… grieving…”
“No you’re not.”
My eyes started to fill up with tears. I knew that I was running out of options, but I didn’t want to give in. Not yet.
“I don’t… like… you?”
Tristan touched my face again.
“We both know that isn’t true.”
I looked up at him through teary eyes. He was right. There was no reason not to give in.
He touched my face for the last time before kissing me. His kiss was so tender; so loving. While I was kissing him, I came up with a reason to date him.
Dating him would make Jason jealous.
Even though I knew that using someone was wrong, I felt like I had no other option.
So I gave in.

The next day, Tristan tried to hold my hand as we went to recess, but I wouldn’t let him.
“Not yet. I’m not ready.” I told him, and he seemed to buy it. But the truth was that I didn’t want everyone to know how low I would stoop just to get my boyfriend back.
Tristan didn’t buy my excuse for long. 5 minutes into recess, he took a firm hold of my hand in full view of everyone.
Jaws dropped.
Lilly and Liv both glared at me.
“That’s really low.” Liv said, and then joined Lilly in standing up and walking over to Gen and Bella.
And Chloe.
Then Zoe and Georgia stood up silently and joined them.
“I really didn’t think that you could be such a *beep*.” Mel said, and then stood up and left, with Ava following.
Leaving just Tristan and me.
I think that in the back of my mind I knew that this was going to happen, but it was still horrific for me.
Jason looked in our direction, and my heart all but stopped. Tristan squeezed my hand, and pulled my face around to kiss him. The only way that I could possibly make it through this – the only way to fulfil my sense of longing – was to imagine that Tristan was Jason.